IRAQ ATTACK: WE PURLOINED DUMBYA'S SPEECH TO THE UN. Just for you!
"Dubya has Saddam in sight: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do...and anyone who differs is an over-educated, limp-wristed appeaser"
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Giving in to pressure from Congress, the American public and our allies, President George W. Bush is now saying he’ll ask for the approval of Congress before going to war with Iraq.
He also says he’ll give a speech before the UN on Sept. 12 explaining his justifications for the war.
Through an exclusive source hidden deep in an underground bunker close to Dick Cheney, I have obtained a sneak peek at Dubya’s upcoming speech, which I will share with you:
“Mah fellow human beins, it is a great honor ta be here today addressin th representatives of all th peoples of th world – th Russians, th Chinese, th Grecians, the Turkeyans, th Afghanistanians an all th rest of ya.
“Because after all, we are all human beins, even those of us who wear funny clothes an come from countries with funny names. An I am here to talk to ya about a menace to all human beins.
“Of course y’all know I’m talkin about Saddam Hussein, or ‘Th Butcher o’ Baghdad’ as Uncle Dick likes to call ‘im.
“Mah fellow humans, I don’t want anythin I’m gonna say to be misconstructed, because I’m a guy who means what he says an says what he means, an so when I say I mean what I say I mean ta say I mean what I say.
“An what I mean ta say is this: Saddam Hussein is a bad dude. He is a evildoer. When I say he is a evildoer, what I mean is he does evil. Doin evil is what evildoers do. An he will keep right on doin it until we stop ‘im.
“We believe Saddam is stockpilin weapons o’ misdirection. We believe he even has nukeler weapons. Or he will pretty soon. Or leastways we’re pretty sure he’s workin on it.
“You may be askin, ‘How th heck do they know he’s got weapons o’ misdirection or nukeler weapons?’ The answer is: We have intelligence. Intelligence is a good thing ta have. My dear Mama, Mrs. Barbara Bush, many a time would set me on her knee an say: ‘Georgie, if you had th intelligence of a eggplant you might make somethin o’ yerself.’ So I know all about intelligence.
“You may also be thinkin, ‘Lots o’ other countries, like France an Russia an’ England an’ China, got weapons o’ misdirection an nukeler weapons, so why don’t we go after ‘em?’
“The difference is those other countries are GOOD countries. They are not evildoers. They are friends of Amurrica an freedom. Although I ain’t real sure about th French. Buncha brie-eatin, wine-sippin socialists who don’t even have a word for ‘entrepreneur.’ We might haveta deal with ‘em later.
“Anyway, gettin back ta Saddam: Another question you might have is: ‘Even if he’s a evildoer an he’s got all them weapons o’ misdirection an maybe even nukeler weapons, is it right to attack ‘im now, instead o’ waitin ‘til he actually does somethin?’
“Mah fellow humans, such thinkin is th thinkin o’ over-educated, limp-wristed appeasers. This kind o’ thinkin let Hitler get away with invadin England an Italy an Japan an Germany an makin such a big mess that the U.S.A. finally had ta go in an straighten things out.
“Lemme put it this way: Suppose there’s this guy livin down th street an he doesn’t like you. Gives ya funny looks when he rides by in his pickup, that sorta thing. An you think this guy’s got a lotta guns, an maybe he’s even cookin up some anthrax in his bathtub.
“Do you wait for this guy ta start somethin’? Heck no! Ya take ‘im out. Ya strap on your six-shooters an go ta his house an kick down th door and go in there a-blazin. Shoot first, ask questions later. That’s th way we do things in Texas.
“As the leader o th free world an God’s own appointed defender o justice, goodness an civilization, I would be guilty o’ malfeeance if I didn’t go in there an take out this evildoer before he can do any more evil.
“An so, mah fellow humans, I ask your support for a U.S. invasion ta bring down this evildoer Saddam, and for your future support of any an all U.S. military actions against any evildoers, wherever they may lurk an whoever they may be. For evildoers are all around us an th war against evil must never cease until evil is wiped out or I get re-elected, whichever comes first. Thank you.” |
