SATIRE: US COMMEMORATES 9-11 WITH "MURDEROUS FORCE"
thebrainstrust.co.uk
US COMMEMORATES 9-11 WITH "MURDEROUS FORCE"
President George Bush made a State of the Union Address today commemorating the "honest American lives lost on 9-11" and launching a set of worldwide memorials to honour their names and celebrate "the American ideals for which they died: Peace, Love and Freedom"
Making a killing?
America is a peace loving nation and I feel it appropriate to mark the passing of 9-11 by seeking out those who oppose peace and smashing them to Kingdom come," explained the President. "We shall celebrate the lives of our peace loving citizens so callously cut down on 9-11 by a launching full scale total invasion of Iraq. We shall be starting the invasion by simultaneously launching 1500 long-range missiles into the heart of Baghdad. By using the latest technology we will be able to carve out the words "Remember the Glorious Dead" in letters one mile wide across the centre of the country. This fitting tribute to the US victims will be one of only two man-made monuments visible from space. At least, it will be unless China gets any funny ideas about retaliation or condemnation. Should they wish to engage in such petty gestures, I simply remind my Asian friends that we have plenty of other missiles that we can 're-deploy' in the direction of the Great Wall at the twist of a tiny dial."
"psychopathic killers"
Mr Bush however explained that the US would not embark on a reckless adventure and was aware that casualties would be inevitable. "Regrettably it is not possible to drop more bombs on a single country than it has inhabitants, without sustaining some casualties, but our strategists predict that these will mainly be Iraqi citizens and we are sure that most Iraqis would gladly lay down their lives to support the American ideals of peace and freedom. And although we mourn all who die in war, we feel that the world should remember that Iraqis have cravenly allowed this madman Saddam and his highly-trained army of vicious psychopathic killers to rule over them without a hint of dissent. Even after we gave them every opportunity to rise up after the Gulf war and offered them the warmest words of encouragement they simply fell over at the merest whiff of poison gas."
"held indefinitely"
Mr Bush went on to celebrate the triumph of Freedom by launching a new set of "Freedom Laws". "These will be a set of new statutes and minor amendments to the constitution that will further reinforce the rights of the majority to live in peace and prosperity in this country," he explained. "By removing the unnecessary red tape that forbids terrorist suspects being held without trial we can ensure that these evil-doing folk can be removed from our streets and held indefinitely in military establishments. Only when they have seen sense and agreed to confess their terrorist ways can they be released to the justice system and have their trials shown under the public spotlight on television."
As Mr Bush completed his address, he asked his fellow Americans to join with him in a short prayer of condemnation of religious fanatics who pervert the words of their faith to justify their acts of oppression. "Dear Lord, we ask that you allow us to prevail over those who oppose us and our land of peace. You have shown us, Lord, that you favour us above all others, for everyday I look down at our sacred dollar, see the words 'In God we Trust' and know that our country has been truly blessed. Amen." |
