If that meets your definition of enlightened self-interest, than we are making progress..........
Just as a touchstone, let me mention that my involvement in this discussion began when I challenged the notion that there is such a thing as a duty to apologize absent the breaching of a contract. Right away I found myself in a position of explaining how I wasn't harboring sociopaths, if not actually one, myself. I'm pleased to see that you are now looking for common ground even though you perceive the common ground to be on your side of the line. <g>
Real moral improvement requires the acceptance of blame, in order to establish responsibility and motivate one to reform.
You and I have a lot in common, I think, in what we want the world to be. But we have some differences in how we get there. You have a very traditional, moralistic approach. I don't have any problem with that given that you are quite reasonable in its application. It seems to work for you and that's cool with me. You use words like "shame" and "blame" and "reform." Those words go with your outlook. You're right, I don't like those words. They do not resonate with me just as your scheme doesn't resonate with me. We have discussed the penal system and justice and Usama where you have talked of retribution and redemption, of punishment being purgative, of punishment making people take responsibility, "restoring the moral balance of the universe." Those don't resonate with me, either.
Disapproval, and/or judging him responsible for some ill effect, IS blame.
<<Main Entry: 1blame
Pronunciation: 'blAm
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): blamed; blam·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Old French blamer, from Late Latin blasphemare to blaspheme, from Greek blasphEmein
Date: 13th century
1 : to find fault with : CENSURE <the right to praise or blame a literary work>
2 a : to hold responsible <they blame me for everything> b : to place responsibility for <blames it on me>
- blam·er noun
- to blame : at fault : RESPONSIBLE>>
You will note that there are two different keywords in the two definitions. "Censure" has moralistic overtones. "Responsible" is more neutral. Now, you would say that being responsible is to be blamed because you have a moralistic view of things. If one has a moralistic outlook, then responsibility is a matter of morals. If one doesn't, however, then it doesn't necessarily. You may say that's too "passive," but I think it's more healthy and constructive to me morally neutral about "mistakes." It isn't necessary to hit bottom to correct a mistake or an debilitating habit, only a desire to be more successful.
That is why I generally do not fix on the little things, but the big ones. I have focused on apologies, however, because considerateness generally is a big thing, and it is a good example of the quality.
You are prepared to be reasonable about judging small things, which I appreciate. But that is different from being morally neutral about small things, about instead looking at them as beneficial or not rather than moral or immoral.
If a standard is truly inappropriate or unrealistic, why would I, or anyone else, expect you to live up to it?
People do that all the time. If I choose not to attend my cousin Charlie's wedding because I don't enjoy weddings or I don't want to make the trip, why should I be "blamed." It's silly to make that into a moral issue, IMO. |
