Belgians Lead Push for Regime Change in America
September 24, 2002
By Phil Lebovit
Spurred by reports of an aggressive military build-up and failure to
reign in corporate terrorists, the government of Belgium is pressing for a
preemptive strike against the regime of George W. Bush.
"We cannot sit idly by and eat our delicious chocolates while the United
States government engages in a policy of harassment," Belgian Prime
Minister Guy Verhofstadt said in a nationally-televised address to the
Belgian people. "Now is the time for action. We cannot waffle."
Recent reports from Belgian intelligence sources indicate that the
United States is now in possession of weapons of mass destruction -
chemical, biological and nuclear. "We know that the United States has
nuclear weapons and that they have actually used them in the past,"
intoned the Prime Minister." There is no reason to think they will not
use them in the future."
Verhofstadt is insisting that United Nations weapon inspectors be given
"unfettered access to the massive stockpiles" of weapons, and that they
be destroyed immediately.
"We stand at the crossroads," pleaded Verhofstadt. "Either the United
States agrees to our demands, or we will be forced to put down our
delicious chocolates and lead the way for permanent regime change.
Remember, my dear Walloons, the current clique in Washington was elected
in direct contravention of the will of the American people. Regime
change will be welcomed by their citizens."
Reaction to the speech throughout Europe was swift. "We stand with
our Belgian brothers," offered French President Jacques Chirac.
"France is willing to commit thirty-five troops and many cases of fine
champagne to the cause. We cannot stand on the sidelines enjoying our
delicious baguettes while our comrades from Antwerp go it alone. Let me
assure the dear Prime Minister. France is with you, almost."
Russian President Vladimir Putin did not mince any words. "Again, it is
the powerful Belgians who must lead the world against aggression and
American hegemony. Russia stands with her European allies and insists
that the United States disarm unilaterally. I only wish we too had
delicious foods."
Following the speech, the mood at the White House was one of
defiance. "Let the Belgians make their empty threats," said White
House spokesman Ari Fleischer. "We are urging Hershey's and Mars
and other fine American chocolate makers to increase their yummy
output by two-hundred percent in the coming weeks. We intend to
break up the evil-doing Belgian chocolate cartel once and for all."
Vice President Dick Cheney was even more bellicose. Speaking
directly underneath Karl Rove from an undisclosed underground
bunker, the Vice President warned of dire consequences should
Belgium make a preemptive strike. "We are prepared to strike back
with alarming force," said Cheney.
"The Belgians cannot bully us. They may be the world's only [chocolate]
superpower, but we here in America have Allah on our side. To hell
with their delicious chocolate treats."
Verhofstadt, while unyielding in tone and substance, did offer the
Americans a plausible way out. "I call upon George W. Bush to capture
Sheik Kenneth Lay, Imam Dennis Kozlowski, and the entire Worldcom
terrorist organization, and to hand them over to an international
tribunal. The United States can no longer harbor agents of terrorism.
You are either with us or against us."
Back in Washington, the Joint Chiefs of Staff and National Security
Advisor Condaleeza Rice were trying eagerly to persuade President
Bush that there was indeed a country named Belgium. |
