Booms, Busts, and Recoveries Message Board

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Strategies & Market Trends : Booms, Busts, and Recoveries

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To: Don Lloyd who wrote (24118)	10/12/2002 12:28:34 AM
From: TobagoJack	Read Replies (2) of 74559

Hello Don, today is the start of a long weekend. Today is for goofing off, and a movie; tomorrow a boat/hike/seafood lunch/boat day; Monday? Monday is for contemplation, swim, lunch at the beach, nap, and contemplation once more. My wife received this in the e-mail: Subject: DON'T DELETE ME -- I PROMISE YOU WILL LAUGH Hello fellow classmates! Hope all is well. The following key business terms have been updated to fit today's turbulent financial news. Perhaps it may help those of us in need a good laugh in light of events in the public equities market ... Or perhaps it may keep us from jumping in the market with both feet when the DOW dips below 7000 and the NASDAQ drops below 1000 ... Or perhaps it may tempt us to jump in with both feet based upon contrarian theory ... KEY TERMS: CEO: chief embezzlement officer. CFO: corporate fraud officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6- to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER -- What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife (ex-husband) and her (his) lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy (gal) whose phone has been disconnected. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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