One hesitates to interrupt Blowhard Harkin's rousing campaign speech at the Wellstone "memorial", but in the sincere spirit of Wellstone's well-bred son, and with all respect due to that pitiful schmuck, I think I can write material better than his. So YOU be the Judge:
[Wellstone the younger approaches podium to applause]
"Thank you, thank you, I LOVE YA" [more applause]
"I want to thank you all for turning out tonight for good 'ol Dad and Mom. You know Dad and Mom, the ones who are as dead as Torch Torricelli's Senate career."
[rim shot, heavy laughter]
And I especially want to thank President Clinton for being here tonight. He really...what?...what are you doing there, Mr. President? [aside...The prez is hitting on my 13-year-old cousin!]"
[rim shot, high-hat, peals of laughter]
"Go ahead, honey, take the nice president's cigar."
[tom tom roll, both cymbals, loudest laughter]
"And the "new' guy, Fritz Mondale, HE'S here. Somebody wake Fritzie up, will you?"
[double rim shot, friendly laughter]
"Yeah, we'll be just FINE here in Minnesota, long as Fritzie doesn't have a stroke before Tuesday."
[cymbol, nervous laughter]
"Hey Tom, Teddy, James! I don't want to tell you your business-REALLY-but THIS GUY looks deader than Dad and Mom."
[once around, tension-busting laughter]
"Aw, gwan, Fritzie! Just put your head over there on Mrs. Clinton's shoulder. What?...Mr. President?...Watch out for the back plates? OK, good safety tip!"
[exit music-mercifully]
Well, you know what they say about Democrats: You can't teach character.
[at least Blowhard Harkin finished up and staggered away while I was writing this]... |
