Things to lighten the mood of the day, if possible.
1 Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once, the seat folded up and the drink spilled, and the ice -- well, it really chilled her mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash can.
10. The only thing wrong with a beautiful drive to work is that you still end up at work.
11. Statistics show we're getting stronger. Fifty years ago you needed a station wagon to hold $10 worth of groceries. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry $10 worth of groceries -- now a five-year-old can do it.
12. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid."
13. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flag pole on a condemned building.
14. My neighbor was bitten by a stray, rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He replied, "Will!? What will? I'm
making a list of the people I wanna bite. |
