Spotlight Dear Santa..
13-DEC-2002
from Europe-based Telecoms.com
A slight departure from the usual Spotlight format this week as we take a peek at the Christmas wish lists of a few of the wireless industry's children.
* * * *
Dear Santa,
Please, please, please can you get me the rest of Cegetel, I really need it to complete the set. I promise I'll keep the box it comes in so it will be worth loads when I'm a grown up. Also, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like another massive bonus. And I know this is asking a bit much, even for someone with your special powers, but I'd really appreciate a decent performance by the England cricket team. All those negative connotations are bad for my branding policy.
I promise I've been good, despite what those nasty shareholders say.
Also, could I sponsor your suit? It's in the corporate colours, after all.
I've left you some whiskey and peanuts.
Love
Christopher
* * * *
Dear Santa,
Help! Get me out of here. I'm stuck in a loss-making handset venture. I want to run away but I can't because I promised my new friend I'd help him settle in Europe. He came all the way from Japan. But now we're together, even less people want to play with our phones (sorry, phone) than before. Actually, Santa, I'll tell you a secret. I planned to quit handsets all along. They're too difficult to make, and that greedy kid next door, Jorma, has got all the best ones. So what I really, really, really want for Christmas is a nice, quiet exit strategy. Oh, and don't give Jorma a bean.
Thank you,
Kurt
* * * *
Santa,
You've always given me everything I've asked for, which I appreciate.
What I'd really like this year is absolute domination of the wireless terminal software arena. Come on, you know it makes sense. What do those greenhorns at Symbian know about software? Or those Palm people? What kind of installed user base have they got, eh?
By the way, I hope that sleigh I had made for you is in good shape. One of the elves told me that it keeps crashing. Don't worry, we'll have that all sorted out by the time I send you the 2005 model.
Don't let me down.
William
* * * *
Mr. Claus,
I don't think your much-publicised new network even extends to me. I hear that, contrary to claims of global service, your coverage is actually limited to a select few countries. And because you have trouble handing over between deliveries, some unfortunate children don't receive anything at all, their presents having been 'dropped'. People also tell me that your energy reserves are so pitiful that you have to charge up with mince pies and brandy every few hours. What's more, I believe you have no backward compatibility with previous generations now that you have started making deliveries over the internet. All that froth about 'revolutionising Christmas'. Really. What I want is for you to buck up your ideas, Santa! You have a critical responsibility to the Christmas industry.
Sincerely,
Keiji
* * * *
Dear Santa,
Things have been a bit quiet this year. That has to change, Santa, it really does. I want more attention next year, much more. Can you sort that for me? Thanks ever so. Everybody's been concentrating on this new '3' brand. Can you see to it that this new brand goes down like a lead balloon, or even one of my balloons.
What's 3 all about anyway? Billy goats gruff? Bears? Little pigs? The only interesting thing to do with 3 is that my company was three this year. Now that is worth celebrating. And can you help me out with my international expansion programme, it hasn't really been going according to plan.
Thank you thank you thank you
Love Richard
Ps I've left you some of my cola and some condoms.
* * * *
Howdy Santa,
To tell the truth, I can't think of anything I want. I've already got it all, thank you very much. The cash just keeps on rolling in. It's almost embarrassing. So let's talk about you, Santa. Got everything you want? Need 3G? How about a brand spanking new 1x network? That'll make a great stocking filler. A little elf tells me that Lapland's system could do with upgrading, and I don't need to tell you, Santa, that the link budget and spectral efficiency of CDMA-based systems is far superior to anything being peddled by those brats Jorma and Kurt. And remember, Uncle Sam will be very appreciative. You ask those Chinese kids, they'll tell you. Go on, stop by on your way over.
See ya,
Irwin
* * * *
To Santa,
Oh, Santa, I so want to be best friends with those Chinese kids. I've said they can play with my newest toys (for a very reasonable sum) for ages, and given them loads of pressies in the last few years. But I can't tell whether they really like me or not. And that sneak Irwin has been saying nasty things about me and my toys. He says he's got better and cheaper ones. How is that possible? Better AND cheaper. The thing is, I have a horrid, horrid feeling he might be right. Please, please, please, give me something, anything, that will make my new toys work better. Oh, and keep that beastly William off our patch. He's not wanted here and he's frightening everyone.
Until next year,
Jorma
* * * *
Dear Santa,
You know it's not money I want, I've got plenty of that. No, I want you to make sure that my new toy gets properly off the ground next year. To be honest I've been a bit embarrassed by its continued failure to launch, especially as we kept saying it would launch in 2002 and then had to keep pushing it back. I watched Keiji do exactly the same and swore it wouldn't happen to me. Now look at my situation.
Please can you give everyone in the UK a lot more money so they can afford to commit £1,600 at point of sale to buy into my new toy. It will be so good once they start to use it that my toy will be worth a lot more and I can sell it for masses of money and find something else to do. Did I mention that we have football distribution rights? And please don't tell any body else what I said about buying that O2 toy as well. I'm trying to keep it a secret.
Thanks
Canning
telecoms.com
==========
<ggg> |
