Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
>Bad : You can't find your birth control pills
>Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them
>
>Good: Your husband understands fashion
>Bad : He's a cross-dresser
>Ugly: He looks better than you
>
>Good: Your son's finally maturing
>Bad : He's involved with the woman next door
>Ugly: So are you
>
>Good: Your wife's not talking to you
>Bad : She wants a divorce
>Ugly: She's a lawyer
>
>Good: The postman's early
>Bad : He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
>Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas
>
>Good: You're son is dating someone new
>Bad : It's another man
>Ugly: He's you're best friend
>----------------------------------------------
>
>
>An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered
>the doctor's office.
>
>"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.
>
>"All right," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your
>clothes off."
>
>"No, not me," said the girl. "It's my old aunt here."
>
>"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, please stick out your
>tongue."
>----------------------------------------------
>
>
>A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to
>heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a
>seance.
>
>Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits,
>her husband's voice was heard answering, "Hello Margaret, this is
>meeee..."
>
>"Fred," she answered. I just have to know if you're happy there in
>the afterlife. What's it like there?"
>
>"Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Fred
>answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures
>are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only
>thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over
>and over."
>
>"Thank God, you made it to heaven," his wife cried.
>
>"Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Montana."
> |
