///You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend" ///
Noooo.
/// You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare. ///
Not being a Xian, I don't particularly CARE what his opinion was.
// You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty. ///
I'm pre-choice and I support the death penalty. You got a problem with that?
///You think Huey Newton is a cookie. ///
I think Huey Newton was the honcho of a bunch of criminal thugs.
///The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.///
Nope. And I think playgrounds for millionaires should be built with THEIR money, not mine.
/// You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.///
Actually, I laugh fairly commonly. There were some pretty good jokes in the list I posted. Certainly much better that this flea-bitten collection you found.
///You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.///
Very rarely wear one.
///You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs." ///
That is simply stupid.
///You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something. ///
Noooo. But do you have a problem with moral fiber?
/// You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches." ///
No. What I say is "Why don't we just NUKE the sons of bitches."
///You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school." ///
I'd prefer having a root canal without anaesthetic, actually.
//// You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie." ///
Nooooo.
///You answer to "The Man." ///
Noooooo.
/// You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense. ///
Never seen the Simpsons. Don't want to.
/// You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."///
Noooo. Although I doubt there are any. A lot of them are Asian immigrants who want to get rich. I think this country should consider itself lucky to get such people.
///You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."///
No kids. Don't watch kiddie cartoons.
///You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit..///.
No. She's "my wife", "dear", "honey", ......
///You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love. ///
Sorrrrry. Never listen to Limbaugh.
/// You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values." ///
Art occurs in all societies. And does not necessarily have much to do with morals.
///When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho." ///
There was a comedian named Groucho Marx, one of the Marx Brothers.
Then there was a disaster for the human race named Karl Marx.
Why? Do you agree with Karl?
///You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."///
Actually, right at this moment, someone would be more likely to day that to me.
I'm planning on getting a haircut this week, though.
///You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.///
No, Birkenstocks are my wife's preferred sandal.
///You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.///
No. But I think the 2nd amendment is on of those civil liberties you are so fond of.
OH! You want to PICK AND CHOOSE among those first 10 amendments!
Sorry. Package deal.
/// Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you. ///
Define "sense".
If losing 65,000 men in a war that you should have seen within a few years you were ultimately going to lose because you would never have the cojones to actually FIGHT it makes sense, then Vietnam made sense.
/// You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America. ///
Actually, I prefer Colin and Condoleeza.
///You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.///
Nuts. Civil liberties are the reason America is America. If this nation is not about civil liberties, it's about nothing.
The ACLU is a different matter. It's an undercover DNC operation.
///You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me." ///
I'm n Silicon Gulch. If you have any clean air, please send it.
///You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."///
You doubt that humans really do differ in ability? In that case you're to dumb to be worth discussing anything with.
Is intelligence racially distributed? I know of no evidence that supports that. And lots of individual exceptions that contradict it.
///You've ever called education a luxury.///
Of cpourse it's not a luxury, stupid. A democracy depends on an informed electorate.
///You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.///
Tell that to Carly.
///You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.///
Now THAT I'd be in favor of! That would mean I could deduct my taxes off my taxes. Taken to the logical extreme: no taxes!
///You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.///
Don't be stupid. I came of age in the '60s and I know quite well who he was.
I wonder: Who wrote more top hits? Dylan or Lennon?
I'd bet Dylan.
///You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.///
Hmmmm. I think North knowingly broke the law.
///You're afraid of the "liberal media." ///
Afraid? Nuts. I'll meet all of them at once in the parking lot.
///You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."///
Sorry. Wrong number. Never done it.
///You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.///
Well, there was that Mapplethorpe guy. What did you call that stuff?
///You think all artists are gay.///
It never even occured to me that Gene Autry was gay.
///You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."///
I gave up watching kiddie cartoon shows when left childhood. You didn't? Maybe that's the probelm.
///You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.///
Depends. If they are incapable of working, then society provides for them. If the situation was created by forces REALLY beyond their control , such as major fire, earthquake, flood, etc, then society steps in.
If they screwed of their own free will, then they still serve a purpose: As bad examples.
///You confuse Lenin with Lennon. ///
Sorry. Not that ignorant. |
