This is a good laugh>
Q: Why do we want the French to be part of our coalition forces?
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>A: Because we want someone who can teach the Iraqi's how to surrender!
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>Q; What do you call 200,000 Frenchmen with their hands in the air?
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>A: The French Army
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>L'Histoire des Guerres Francaises
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>Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years
>of French history, France is conquered, by all things, an Italian.
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>Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic
>who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's
>armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman"
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>Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose
>two wars when fighting Italians.
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>Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
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>Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to
>get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the grounds that eventually the other
>participants started ignoring her.
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>War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
>chapeaux.
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>The Dutch War - Tied. Unable to defeat people who like dikes.
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>War of Augsburg League/ King Williams War/ French & Indian war - Lost, but
>claimed as a tie. Induces Frogophiles the world over to label it the height
>of French military power.
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>War of Spanish Succession - Lost. The war also gave the French the first
>taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.
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>American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future
>Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists did most
>of the fighting. This is later known as the "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads
>to the second rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does
>most of the fighting"
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>French Revolution - Tie. The opponent was also French. The combat
>equivalent of masturbation.
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>The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the first rule)
>due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British
>footwear designer.
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>Franco - Prussian Wars - Lost. Germany first plays the role of Drunk Frat
>boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. Set the record
>for quickest loss. Origination of the Austrian expression, "I'll be back".
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>WWI - Losing late in the 4th quarter until saved by Americans, Thousands of
>French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but
>one who doesn't call her "Fraulein". Sadly widespread use of condoms by
>American forces forestalls any improvements in the French bloodline.
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>WWII - Lost. Set a new record for time it took to surrender. Conquered
>French liberated by Americans just as they finished learning the "Horst
>Wessel" song.
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>War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness as the reason - the
>Dien Ben Flu.
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>Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Marks the first loss by a western army to a
>non-Turkic Muslim force since the crusades, and produces the First Rule of
>Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French". They plagiarized this rule
>from the First Rule of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch,
>Vietnamese, and Sioux.
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>War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders
>to Germany and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to the
>Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonalds.
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>After reviewing their history, the French can be understood for being known
>for their love of eating snails - it is a natural affinity for other
>spineless creatures! At least they are consistant!
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