I spent a good part of my childhood carrying my brother around, dressing him, assisting him in the bathroom, handling his wheelchair, and so forth. And this was not the sort of dependency likely to terminate within a few months. He is in his forties, and still highly dependent, although his electric wheelchair allows him to get out and about.
My maternal grandmother was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, and given a couple of years to live. As it happened, she eluded death for several years more, and it is true that she continued to be able to tend to herself. Nevertheless, she was easily exhausted, frequently in some pain, had to carry around a tank of oxygen, and faced a more than ordinary prospect of decline. More than most, she had to fear that any given evening was her last. Still, she managed to make some sort of peace in her life, and was grateful for the additional time.
My mother- in- law ended her life with heart trouble and cancer, somewhat precipitously. Nevertheless, she lived with it for some months, under the care of her husband. I know that it was very difficult for him at the end. In turn, a few years later he had terminal cancer, and eventually needed around the clock nursing. My sister- in-law stayed towards the end, although a nurse was hired, and my wife visited several times. I have some idea of how difficult it became, yes.
I initially was reacting to your objection to reservations about "checking out" prematurely, but extended it to disquiet about asking for complicity from others in the decision. I never addressed the question of rational suicide, nor even came down hard against the assisted kind. I merely tried to show that it was not a pat issue, or solely an issue of autonomy, that it reflected on the web of values by which a society sustains itself. |
