Why did the chicken cross the road?
GEORGE W. BUSH . . I don't think I should have to answer that question.
AL GORE. . . . . . I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road
represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed
to bring greater services to the American people.
RALPH NADER. . . . The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked
industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was
crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN . . . To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH. . . I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a
government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help
chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans
take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about
your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART . . No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing
order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me
any insider information.
JERRY FALWELL. . . Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in
front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side". That's what they call it - the other side. Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all
chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
phrases like "the other side."
DR. SEUSS. . . . . Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the
road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY . To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR . . . I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA . . . . . In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the
chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS. . Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for
the first time, the heart-warming story of how it a survived a serious case of molting and went on to
accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON. . . . Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE. . . . . It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX. . . . . It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN . . This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50
tons of nerve gas on it.
VOLTAIRE . . . . . I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
CAPTAIN KIRK . . . To boldly go where no chicken had gone before.
SIGMUND FREUD. . . The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your
underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES . . . . I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file
your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of
eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN . Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON . . . I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you
define chicken please?
THE BIBLE. . . . . And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, Thou shalt cross
the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. |
