All this dumping on France is really unfair! After all, we couldn't have liberated Afhganistan without French help. Why does the American media continue to ignore the real story behind the sudden collapse of the Taliban in the fall of 2001?...
French Intellectuals to be Deployed in Afghanistan To Convince Taliban of Non-Existence of A Deity
The ground war in Afghanistan hotted up yesterday when the Allies revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into the country to destroy the morale of Taliban zealots by proving the non-existence of the Power. Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or 'Black Berets', will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy.
Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris's Left Bank, the Berets' first action will be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic points near the front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will be accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will further dismay the enemy by sticking their tongues in the philosophers' ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.
Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very intense and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated wildly and said, "The Taliban are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous. There is no deity and I will prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I am talking."
Belmondo plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on atheism, ennui and man's freedom of action, with special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of Alfred Hitchcock. However, humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of secondhand smoke from the Frenchmen's endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area.
<ggg> |
