Some humor (liberals need to be warned - they abhor humor)
Saddam Hussein has given an exclusive interview to Dan Rather on "60 Minutes” in which he said he has no intention of leaving, stepping down or going into exile. He said he'd rather die than leave. Just like the cast of "60 Minutes."
There are reports that Bulgarian pimps have been moving "armies of prostitutes" across Europe to await the arrival of our U.S. troops. That's more than the French are doing for us! Give them a pat on the back.
The state of Utah is now considering a new tax on topless dancers. The good news? No flat tax.
Some sad news – Phil Donahue was fired from MSNBC yesterday. It was mean how they did it. He was on the air and looked down at the little news ticker that goes by and it said "Phil Donahue was fired today."
Doctors in India have performed the first penis transplant. What do you want to bet the guy used that as his excuse the first time he gets caught cheating: "Honey it's not my fault. This thing is not even mine. The guy who had this was a pig. I don't know what happened."
Earlier this week Pete Rose was denied admission into the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame. Pete Rose said, "That's unfair, I've never bet on Canadian baseball.”
There is a rumor that Michael Jackson might be moving to Florida. I think it's true, too. He's been spotted stopping elderly people whose cars have those bumper stickers that say "Ask me about my grandchildren."
In an interview with Dan Rather, Saddam Hussein has challenged President Bush to a live television debate. Which I think would be fair because English is a second language for both of them.
In fact, Saddam Hussein wants to do it here. Because this way he can stay out at Sean Penn's place at the beach while they're getting ready.
Former President Clinton has canceled a trip to India at the request of the Secret Service because of security concerns. Imagine Clinton in India riding an elephant – that would have brought back some memories, huh?
Robert Blake's big prison interview with Barbara Walters airs tomorrow night in a special called "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me out of Here!"
You all know about the Mustang Ranch out in Nevada? It was a brothel but then they got into some tax problems. Well, now the government owns the place and the government doesn’t know what to do with it. I/ve got an idea – why don’t we turn it into a branch of the Clinton Library.
News from Iraq – CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, "It’s not so bad."
That Tyson fight was over so fast, even the French didn't have time to complain.
On February 26, this Wednesday, anti-war protesters are organizing a million-modem march. This is where they want people to fax their congressman with their protests. How lazy are we getting in this country? We used to march up and down with signs. Now people sit at home and eat bon bons, "Can I just fax it in?"
A 15-year-old student in Florida has lost a petition drive to lower the voting age in Florida to 16. That's what they need in Florida, more voters who don't know what they’re doing. Seventy-year-olds arguing with teenagers, "Give me that damn thing!"
According to a story in today's L.A. Times, Robert Blake is lonely in prison. You know what you call somebody who's lonely in prison? Lucky!
As you know, February is Black History Month. That's why we’ve seen so much of Michael Jackson. At one point in history he was black. |
