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Axis of Evil Wannabees
by John Cleese
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil",
Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis
of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid
Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis that President Bush warned of in his State
of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as
evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
"Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . .
we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although they conceded they had asked if they could join the Axis of
Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar
al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three countries", explained
Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition.
In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis.
So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is
wickedly cool."
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift,
as within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status
in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and
Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil",
forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of
Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established
the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs
filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be
called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly
Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics".
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are
Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About
America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis
of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat
really, just something we like very much", said Scottish Executive
First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps
making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes,
although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries
Whose Names End in 'guay", suspecting one of its members of filing a
false application, although he was not certain which. Officials from
Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
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Polvo's friend Jack sent me this. I figured you would get a kick out of it being the M.Python fan you are...
:o)
-SirClappyTheMinisterOfFunnyLaughs |
