"TRYING TO HELP" By Dennis Miller
All the rhetoric on whether or not we should go to war against Iraq has got my little brain spinning like a top. I enjoy reading opinions from
both sides, but I've detected a hint of confusion from some of you.
Maybe this can help.
As I was reading the paper recently, I was reminded of the best advice anyone ever gave me. He told me about the "KISS" method ("Keep It Simple, Stupid!"). So with this as a theme, I'd like to apply this
theory for those who don't quite get it. My hope is that we can
simplify things and recognize a few important facts.
Here are ten things to consider when voicing an opinion on this important issue:
(1) Between President Bush and Saddam Hussein ... Hussein is the bad guy.
(2) If you have faith in the United Nations to do the right things, keep
this in mind: the UN has Libya heading the Committee on Human Rights
and Iraq heading the Global Disarmament Committee. Do your own math
here.
(3) If you use a Google or Yahoo search and type in "French Military
Victories," don't be surprised if your computer panics at its inability
to respond to your inquiry.
(4) If your only antiwar slogan is "No War For Oil," hire a pit bull
lawyer and sue your school district for having allowed you to slip
through the cracks and robbing you of the minimum education that any
non-troglodyte deserves
(5) You can take this one to the bank: Saddam and bin Laden will NOT
seek UN approval before they try to kill us.
(6) Despite common belief among some, Martin Sheen is NOT the
President. He only plays one on TV.
(7) If you are antiwar and even an outright "America Basher," to bin
Laden you are still an "infidel" whom he wants dead.
(8) Be careful: if you believe in a "vast right-wing conspiracy," but
not in the danger that Hussein poses, the only job you may be able to
get is as an Ivy League college professor.
(9) Even multiculturalists who try to browbeat us into believing that all cultures are equally deserving of respect have trouble explaining the past 500 years of Islam.
(10) Whether you are for or against military action, our young men and women overseas are fighting to defend our right to speak out on these
issues. They deserve our unreserved support.
I hope this helps |
