The French Military
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Type in the search terms, "French military victories".
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Results- "Did you mean French military defeats?"
Gallic Wars – The French not only lost….they lost to an Italian.
Hundred Years War – Although they kinda/sorta mostly lost, they were saved by Joan of Arc (a female schizophrenic) who by accident created The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
Italian Wars – France became the first and only country in history to lose not just one, but TWO wars against Italians.
Wars of Religion - France was 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.
Thirty Years War – Although not technically a principal, they did manage to get invaded anyway. Amusingly they claim a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring them.
War of Devolution – Tied
The Dutch War - Tied.
War of the Augsburg League – Lost/claimed tie.
King William's War – Lost/claimed tie.
French and Indian War – Lost/claimed tie.
Three ties in a row caused some deluded folks to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession - Lost.
American Revolution - In a Scribean foreshadow of the future, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw way more action.
This is eventually known as "de Gaulle Syndrome".
It also establishes Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars - Lost.
The Franco-Prussian War - Lost.
World War I - Tied and on the way to losing. France was saved by the United States.
World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain.
War in Indochina – Lost
Algerian Rebellion - Lost. The first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades. It gave birth to the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism – France has surrendered to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. |
