Would the real George Bush
please stand down
You may think the air of extreme witlessness impossible
to mimic, but is the man on the podium the authentic
Dubya, a trained stand-in or an animatronic lookalike?
Tim Dowling investigates
Thursday March 27, 2003
Yesterday President George Bush
made his first public appearance since
the start of the war, speaking to service
personnel at the MacDill airforce base in
Tampa in an obvious bid to reassure
Americans and boost the morale of the
armed forces. But how do we know this
is the real George Bush?
Later in the day a man who looked and
sounded like Mr Bush appeared
alongside Tony Blair at Camp David,
leaving intelligence experts to ponder
whether a lookalike had been used, and whether the same
lookalike had been deployed on both occasions.
It has long been suspected that Mr Bush employs a string of
lookalikes for difficult or dangerous speaking engagements,
some of whom may have had their ears specially enlarged for
the task.
Most of those who regularly monitor Mr Bush's speech patterns
believe that it was the genuine article who spoke at Central
Command HQ in Florida yesterday, pointing to a characteristic
tendency toward quasi-biblical phrasing - "There will be a day of
reckoning for the Iraqi regime, and that day is drawing in near" -
and an almost total absence of words of more than three
syllables.
Other experts disagree, pointing out that these consistencies
originate with speech writers rather then the president himself,
and that Bush's main vocal technique - the bewildered pause - is
only too easy to imitate.
Several observers noted that the president's eyes seemed too
close together; others believed them to be too far apart (when
viewed on a 21in TV screen, you shouldn't be able to fit a pound
coin between them, according to one rule of thumb). It is telling,
they say, that Mr Bush made his first appearance in front of
combat service personnel, none of whom are likely to have
known him closely during his days with the Texas National
Guard.
So if it's not him, who is it? Some experts suspect that this
might be a heretofore unknown Bush brother, a family sleeper
who has been groomed to step in at times of crisis, or even
George Bush Sr on his first outing following a recent toupee
fitting and a course of Botox injections.
Yesterday's appearance has also given fresh credence to
outlandish claims that Mr Bush's public outings have long been
undertaken by an animatronic puppet especially built for Dick
Cheney in the mid-1990s.
If this is true, then where is the real George Bush? Has he been
killed or kidnapped, or is he just sitting at home talking back to
the television?
It has been pointed out by several observers that Tony Blair, who
has become close to Mr Bush over the course of many private
meetings, would never be fooled by any sort of stand-in. It
remains a distinct possibility, however, that Mr Blair has only
ever met a particular lookalike, perhaps one who has been
specially trained to appear committed to peace and international
stability.
For now, Bush-watchers are refusing to say publicly whether or
not this is the real president of the United States or a clever,
surgically-altered lookalike.
Privately, however, they have carefully observed this
confused-looking man, with his stiff, empty gestures and false
gravitas.
They have noted his peculiar phrasing, which gives little
indication that he understands the content of what he is saying.
They have examined his every doomsday platitude, scrutinised
his baffled expression and noted that he seems uncomfortable
and completely lost whenever the teleprompter is switched off.
And they have concluded that it must really be him.
guardian.co.uk |
