Andy Borowitz
Bush blasts proposal as 'premature'
newsandopinion.com | French President Jacques Chirac today called for an "immediate cessation" of jokes about France now that the active combat phase in Iraq had concluded.
In an impassioned speech to the United Nations Security Council, Mr. Chirac said that if the time had come to lift sanctions against Iraq, ""then it is also time to stop calling the French 'cheese-eating surrender monkeys.'""
In addition, Mr. Chirac asked the U.S. to reverse its decision to rename French fries ""Freedom Fries,"" arguing that the derisive renaming of that popular delicacy was currently costing France billions of Euros in royalties every week.
In his most emotional appeal, Mr. Chirac asked that the U.S. stop referring to the French as "weasels" and refrain from gratuitous references to France's inexplicable love affair with the actors Jerry Lewis and Mickey Rourke.
"Get over it!" Mr. Chirac roared.
But Mr. Chirac's speech may have fallen on deaf ears at the White House, where President Bush today characterized the French President's request as "premature."
""The United States has no timetable for stopping making fun of the French," Mr. Bush said. "We'll stop ridiculing the French when we're good and ready, and not one day sooner.""
When told of Mr. Bush's statement, Mr. Chirac sighed deeply and said, ""I give up," to which Mr. Bush replied, chuckling, "Of course he gives up – he's French." |
