The GOP's Gilligan plan: Thurston Howell III lives!
WASHINGTON WHISPERS - US NEWS & WORLD REPORT
Have you ever found yourself wondering if Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry is really Thurston Howell III, the Gilligan's Island millionaire? Have you ever found yourself wondering if Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry is really Thurston Howell III, the Gilligan's Island millionaire? No? Well, you will soon if Republican strategists follow through with their prankster plans for the 2004 presidential race. "We'll gig 'em whenever and wherever we can," says one source. The idea is simple: Send an "attack mascot" to primary and caucus appearances of leading Democratic White House hopefuls to heckle and unnerve the candidates. Initial plans by GOP strategists focus on Kerry, Rep. Dick Gephardt, Sen. John Edwards, and Sen. Joe Lieberman. Just this weekend, Edwards will be met in his home state with a Welcome Wagon, a dig at how much time he has been away campaigning. The most original is the Kerry gag mascot: somebody dressed as Howell, the lock-jawed dim bulb who inherited his wealth. In his straw hat: a $150 price tag to represent his barber's fee. Suggests Kerry spokesman David Wade, the GOP "should lay off the Gilligan's Island imagery before we cast George W. Bush as gilligan in the remake."
Washington Whispers 06/09/03
By Paul Bedard
M1-A1 Abrams: tough to kill, but not invulnerable
They call them "lessons learned" reports in the Pentagon, and few are getting as much attention as the review of the Army's lumbering M1-A1 Abrams tank's performance in Iraq. Revered by soldiers as the world's best, the report found that lone Iraqis armed with simple rocket-propelled grenades halted a few Abramses in their tracks. Just like those Battle of the Bulge scenes of GIs firing at the bellies of Nazi tanks, a rocket aimed at the armored skirts on the side and back of the Abrams would occasionally disable the tank. That's led some to question the plan to replace some M1s with lighter and thinly skinned "Stryker" vehicles. But then, the report shown to Whispers also found that the heavy Abrams guzzled more gas than expected. And getting parts to busted tanks was a problem. Still, like the Terminator, it didn't die easily. Some completely disabled tanks were abandoned, and airstrikes were called in to keep the gizmos inside from Iraqi spies. It took a grenade detonated in the crew compartment, a massive tank round, and two precision Maverick missiles just to put one down.
Choosy presidents choose Jif
It's no secret that President Bush loves peanut butter. For him, it's not a campaign gag as Big Macs were with former President Clinton or pork rinds for Bush's dad. He's such a fan, we learn, that the White House mess puts PB&J samples on tables in the executive cafeteria and delivers at least one to the Oval Office practically every day--and the prez even recommends them to his lunchtime partners. But what's been impossible to find out, until now, is which brand Bush eats. That's because the White House hates to look like it's endorsing any product. Well, after 2 1/2 years of snooping, the Whispers I-Team has the answer: Jif, normally the creamy kind. Why Jif? It's America's favorite and tastes a little sweeter, we're told, than Skippy and Peter Pan. As for the jelly, we have a hint: Smucker's recently bought Jif. None of this surprises previously unaware Jif execs who coined the motto, "Choosy moms choose Jif." Says spokeswoman Brenda Dempsey, "Obviously, choosy presidents choose Jif."
Cabinet campaign
Much of President Bush's cabinet will get a new chore in the coming year: campaigning for the boss's re-election. Insiders say that all but the four top-tier agency secretaries will hit the trail to promote Bush. Look for them also to speak at fundraising events, all legal moves. Those left out--the secretaries of state, justice, defense, and treasury--have jobs the administration doesn't want to politicize. "You'll see a bunch of us out" campaigning, says one cabinet head.
"I'm not mad."
President Bush, on Paris's refusal to join the war in Iraq
Get her now
Democratic strategists are already bracing for a bruising re-election fight for New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton in 2006. These Democrats, who don't believe President Bush can be beaten in his 2004 re-election bid, predict that the White House will try to knock Clinton out of the 2008 presidential race by recruiting a candidate to beat her in the 2006 re-election bid. One foe being wooed: popular New York Gov. George Pataki.
White House bam!
Emeril Lagasse, the popular TV chef known for yelling "BAM!" when he adds a pinch of spice, turns out to be a regular in the White House kitchen. Executive Chef Walter Scheib revealed in an online chat that "Emeril has visited us several times." But, adds the mild-mannered Scheib, "I do not use his shtick!"
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