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Non-Tech : The Enron Scandal - Unmoderated
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To: Glenn Petersen who wrote (2705)6/25/2003 3:04:03 PM
From: stockman_scott  Read Replies (1) of 3602
 
POLL: MOST HARDENED CONVICTS REFUSE TO SHARE CELLS WITH CEOs

Fear Losing Personal Belongings, Life Savings

borowitzreport.com

In a new survey of career criminals serving time in America’s federal penitentiaries, a whopping 83 percent of the hardened convicts “strongly object” to the notion of sharing their cells with disgraced CEOs.

Across the board, America’s prisoners cite “fear of losing personal belongings” as the main reason for refusing to bunk with the former top executives.

“Fear of losing cigarettes or other personal effects” was most often cited by the prisoners polled, with “fear of losing life savings” and “fear of losing all of the assets in my 401(k) account” also mentioned frequently.

Anecdotal evidence illustrates the strongly negative opinions the prison population holds about America’s CEOs, with many prisoners preferring to share their cells with violent offenders rather than with former chief executives.

“When you’re behind bars with an armed robber, you know you can’t turn your back on him or he’ll try to pull something,” said one prisoner serving a fifteen year sentence. “But these CEOs will look you right in the eye and rob you blind.”

With over 100,000 CEOs heading to prison within the next five years, the crisis in America’s penitentiaries is expected only to worsen, says Professor David Morton of the University of Minnesota.

“If you’re a prisoner and you look to the left of you and to the right of you, chances are fifty-fifty that you’ll see someone from your business school class,” Dr. Morton says. “That number is slightly higher if you went to Harvard.”
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