CIA’S TENET TAKES RESPONSIBILTIY FOR COMMENT MADE BY THE DIXIE CHICKS
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Osama bin Hidin
Washington, D.C. -- July 17, 2003
The director of the CIA, George Tenet claimed that he alone was responsible for the remarks made by Natalie Maines, lead singer of the Dixie Chicks. Tenet emphasized that his office is vigorously involved in enforcing the policy that Americans should only be allowed to criticize Presidents that are Democrats. "I personally volunteered to monitor Natalie Maines, and I think I was staring at her big... violin when she made that remark." He added that he "would try not to do it again."
Tenet is not the only senior official to have to work overtime accepting blame. The director acknowledged "The burden for potential criticism is so huge that the CIA, the White House, and the State Department have assigned almost all of their staff, including all the top brass, to fight the war on criticism."
Tenet said, in addition to "planting more secret microphones on Natalie Maines" there is one other thing that he would do over again. "I should have crafted the State of the Union Speech more carefully, so that Bush wouldn't have to try to weasel out of it."
The White House was very upset that the press would scrutinize anything Bush said. Fleisher muttered “If we have to, we will go to the Supreme Court to stop this investigation.” Tenet was much more upbeat, and believed that soon Bush could resume being “completely unaccountable.” This was simply a case of the “President making up statements faster than we could fabricate evidence to support him.”
Usually the CIA can keep up with Bush, but the director of the agency feels that “this Iraq thing” has been overwhelming. Tenet said that his office was now “6 to 8 months behind in fabrications.” Tenet was optimistic however that his office would be able to “meet the November 2004 deadline for getting WMD into Iraq.”
Tenet is also considering taking responsibility for the economy, the tax cut and the Mets losing streak. Ari Fleischer added “normally we would blame all that on Clinton.” But Tenet was cautious when it came to taking blame for Colin Powell’s speech to the United Nations. Tenet compared Powell’s U.N. speech to “Homer Simpson giving excuses to Mr. Burns.” However, Bush thought the speech was "excellent."
In related news, the most recent national surveys indicate that the White House marketing strategy is working. This week's poll numbers show that 62% of the American people consider Bush “very reliable and trust worthy” as a president. The poll also revealed that 62% of the American people consider watching Dukes of Hazard reruns “very reliable and trustworthy” as a source for news. |
