DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy
a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only
one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk
down the drain.
TEAMSTERS
You have two cows.
Every other member has two cows.
Leadership has 1,000 cows.
You got a problem with that?
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO
on the 2nd one.
You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred
miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13
weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up
while they were in the hospital.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best vote
for the black one.
Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which
is the best-looking one.
NEW YORK CORPORATION
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of
the herd, so you pick some cow from Arkansas. |
