George W. Bush: My Resumé
Past work experience:
o Ran for congress and lost.
o Served for a decade on the board of a company that financed several R-rated slasher B movies.
o Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, so the company went bankrupt. Sold all my stock just in the nick of time to a wealthy Saudi friend of my father.
o Bought a small portion of the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that forcibly took land using eminent domain and tax-payer money. Most notable decision: Traded Sammy Sosa to the White Sox for Harold Baines. Most notable profiteering: Parlayed a $605K loan into a $14.9 Million profit using taxpayer money and eminent domain laws to evict homeowners, obtain land and increase the value of the shares in the Texas Rangers.
o Elected to governorship of Texas, with the help of George Bush Sr. and generous donations and support from wealthy oilmen and Christian evangelicals.
Accomplishments While Governor of Texas:
o Relaxed pollution laws for power and oil companies (I "grandfathered" the dirtiest coal burning power plants, making them exempt from clean air laws, for example) and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union, in 1999. The same year, Houston had the "highest ozone level reading in the nation", and was second most ozone polluted city in the country from 1997 through 1999.
o Slashed taxes, reduced state revenue to the point of bankruptcy and put the Texas government in debt for billions in borrowed money, the interest for which is now paid for by the Texas taxpayer.
o Set a record for the most executions by any Governor in American history and became famous for publicly mocking Faye Tucker, a Christian female death row inmate, for her passionate clemency plea before she was executed.
o Appointed US President, on a questionable decision by a highly partisan Supreme Court, after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes.
Accomplishments While US President:
o Attacked and invaded two countries so far, with at least two more in planning.
o Spent the largest surplus in the history of the country and nearly bankrupted the treasury.
o Shattered records for the biggest annual deficit in history.
o Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in a 12 month cycle of any presidency, beating the previous record which was set during the depression years.
o Set all-time record for biggest loss of value in the history of the stock market during any presidency.
o First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
o First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
o First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.
o After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history, the September 11 attack on the World Trade Center.
o Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips on Air Force 1 than any other president in US history.
o In my first two years in office over 2.3 million Americans lost their job.
o Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.
o Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.
o Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.
o Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
o Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when ENRON corruption was revealed and many states faced bankruptcy.
o Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
o Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans while posing on aircraft carriers in a flgiht suit and despite praising the troops at every opportunity.
o Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches)
o Dissolved or abandoned more international treaties than any president in US history.
o My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history, surpassing the secrecy of the Nixon administration at its darkest moments.
o Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has a Chevron oil tanker named after her)
o First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously reach the point of insolvency.
o Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud (ENRON, WorldCom, Global Crossing) of any market in any country in the history of the world.
o First president in US history to order a unilateral and unprovoked attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
o First president in US history to start a war against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
o Created the largest new government bureaucracy (Department of Homeland Security) in the history of the United States.
o Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.
o First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.
o First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.
o Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
o Ignored the United Nations demands and requirements pursuant to international law and warfare.
o Withdrew from the World Court (Permanent Court of International Justice) and I refuse to recognize it unless it gives my administration, the US and global corporations special immunity.
o Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and refused to abide by the Geneva Conventions regarding prisoners of war by cleverly classifying them as "enemy combatants", thereby allowing us to circumvent the Geneva Conventions.
o First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
o All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
o My personal friend and biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
o Spent more money on polls and focus groups in the first two years of my presidenct than any president in US history, despite claiming throughout my candidacy that I would not use polling data.
o First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
o First US president to establish a secret shadow government, and I did this without the knowledge or participation of the oppostion parties in congress.
o Squandered world sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
o With a policy of 'disengagement' and open public support for alleged war criminal, Ariel Sharon, allowed and condoned the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
o First US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view the US as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
o First US president in history to have the people of South Korea feel more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
o Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
o Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
o Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Usama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.
o Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capital building - my Attorney General is more interested in Louisiana prostitutes and paraplegic pot smokers in than capturing terrorists.
o In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented, stalled, diverted or spiked any real public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
o Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
o In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
o Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category into a sharply downward trend.
o In order to prevent financing abortions in China, I cut off all $34 million of aid to the U.N. Population Fund, which was also used to provide medical care to pregnant teenagers with defective pregnancies who will now die or walk around trailing urine and feces for the rest of their lives.
o A detailed record of my envronmental accomplishments is available at this link: nrdc.org
o A detailed record of mine and my cabinet's history of service in the armed forces during times of war is available at this link: awolbush.com
Records and References:
o At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
o Accused by Larry Flynt of being "involved in an abortion in the 1970's"
o My daddy pulled strings to get me into the National Guard and make sure I didn't have to serve abroad during the Viet Nam war, and then I went AWOL and deserted the military during wartime, for which I was not punished.
o I refused to take drug tests or answer any questions about drug use.
o I publicly claim to have been sober since my 40th birthday but I still take a drink now and then.
o All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been sequestered in my fathers library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
o All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed and unavailable for public view.
o All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed and unavailable for public view.
o Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed and unavailable for public review.
o For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker, the attorney who persuaded the Supreme Court to appoint me. Mr. Baker's law firm is now representing the Saudi leadership in defense of civil law suits filed by the survivors and heirs of those killed and injured in the World Trade Center attacks. |
