A post from Ohara on the Motley FOOL
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My sister called me today to tell me that my parents are approx. $3k behind on their bills. She told me she had cancelled her trip to Six Flags and gave my parents $250 to help pay a car payment. It was a horrible phone call and it ended with her saying "Well I guess I am the only one who is willing and able to help Mom and Dad out". So I sit here, angry at my parents for putting me in this situation and feeling extremely guilty for not helping them. Here's the story of why I am not helping my parents.
My parents have filed bankruptcy twice and have had a house that was foreclosed on. When said house was foreclosed, DH and I lent them $800 to get situated in a new apt (they only had 7 days to move when they told me they had lost the house!). It took them about a year to pay us back that money. We decided then and there that we would not loan them any more money.
Since then, my parents bought a BRAND NEW Dodge Durango that they traded in an upside down KIA to get. They are also renting a large house with an equally large rent. DH and I, on the other hand, are living in a cramped apt. in Scumville (Ok, not really that scummy, but it's not nice!) while we have been diligently saving for a down payment and an efund and we drive a 1998 Subaru Foresster and a 1997 Buick Skylark. More importantly, we have worked incredibly hard to EDUCATE ourselves about our finances. My parents are ignorant about finances, which is why they are in their current situation.
My dad got the worst end of a business deal and a partner owes him $5k. My dad also has a bad heart and so he decided to go on disability. My parents did not research disability, so they didn't know that it takes a good three months for your file to be reviewed, nor does disability take effect right away! In addition, their insurance only covers 80% of their bills. Today, my dad was fitted with a pacemaker. Since they owe the hospital about $5k, they hospital required $1500 up front. They came up with the money at the expense of the rest of their bills.
Let me add that my father is an alcoholic who has had two heart attacks and a stroke already, but has done NOTHING to change his life habits. He still smokes and eats all sorts of crazy crap and still drinks. In addition, he doesn't really have a will to live that much. He has said before that he just want to die, etc. etc.
So here I sit. My parents are $3k behind in their bills. They are late on phone bills, car payments, utilities, you name it. I have over $10k in cash in an account. Why am I not helping them? Because I am sick and tired of being the only adult in this relationship. My parents are financially irresponsible and if I let them, just like a drowning person will pull you under to save themselves, my parents have no qualms about pulling me under to save themselves.
The money DH and I have is an efund and a downpayment for a house. We have sacrificied alot to scrape that money together. I refuse to pay for my parent's too large house and Dodge Durango and other excesses that they chose to have over an efund.
Sadly to say, even knowign that I am absolutely doing what is best for me, I have spent most of the night angry and crying from guilt. I am angry that my parents put me in this position and I am guilty because I know I could "help" them temporarily, until the next time they have a dire situation. I am guilty because I know the money issue is probably putting even more stress on my Dad's heart. I am guilty because my sister cancelled her trip to Six Flags to help my parents out.
It would be very easy for me to send my parents a small sum to ease my guilt. But my guilt is MY problem, it's something I need to work out. I know I will work it out in the end. My parents financial problems? That's their problem and maybe, just maybe, this time they will learn that an efund is more important than a big house and a new car.
TheOhara
Who will be crying the rest of the night! |
