In Memory
RONALD F. MCKINNON SR.
September 1, 2003, at 85, a lifelong resident of Stoneham Mass died at Melrose Wakefield Hospital.
A 1936 graduate of Stoneham High School where he was an exceptional athlete, on the baseball and hockey teams, and Captain of the football team. He attended Northeastern University where he was the first freshman to ever be named as Captain of the hockey team. Ron also was on the Junior Olympic Hockey Squad.
A proud Marine, Ron joined the Corps as an enlisted man, rising to the rank of Sergeant. He was elected to and attended Officers Candidate School in Quantico, Virginia. Upon completion he served at Camp Pendleton, California, was in Pearl Harbor, The Marianas, Guam, and did a year long tour of duty in Tientsin, China at the end of WWII. Ron attained the rank of Captain and after completion of active duty served his country for an additional 10 years in the USMC Reserves.
Returning to the States, he began an almost 40 year career in management with Eastern Airlines, until his retirement in 1984.
He leaves his High School sweetheart and wife of 61 years, Barbara; three sons, Ronald and wife Betty of Haverhill, Richard and wife Annette of Billerica, and Robert and wife Paula of Lynnfield; and six grandchildren.
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after a very long day my son returned home to write this on his website
I am as proud of him as I hope my Dad was of me
Monday September 1, 2003
My grandfather died today.
At approximately 8am this morning, one of my heroes in life left this world and I now feel pain that I never knew of before. A pain that comes in waves, a pain that is as strong as the love I had and always will have for my Grandfather, Ronald F McKinnon, Sr.
I can't believe that he's gone.
I can't believe that only 7 months ago almost to the day, he stood on a beach with my father and was able to take part and be present for one of the most special moments of my life.
I can't believe that only a short time ago I was with him on a cruise ship, sharing laughs, playing cards, and spending time with the family that he loved so much.
But he is gone.
As much as birth is a part of existence, so is death. I write these words knowing that they are words that have been written and spoken in some form for millennia. What I write is not a new thing, not a revolutionary thing, but it is a new thing for me.
I have never really had to face death like this before.
My great-grandmother died back in 1988 but at the time I was an ignorant 13 year old kid. I knew my great-grandmother but I hadn't spent an exorbitant amount of time with her. I lost my grandmother on my mother's side in 1993, but I had only recently begun to really bond with her and spend time with her. I had spent a month with her in 1991 during the most important time of my life (as it relates to where I am today), but aside from that time and a week in 1992 I had barely seen her the last handful of years.
I have had pets die over the years and seen countless forms of death on television and in the movies, but I had never experienced death before.
There's many points in one's life where innocence is lost. When one finds out that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny aren't real, the world seems a little different. Innocence is like love, it cannot be bought, and when it's pure, it's one of the most valuable things in the world. When I finally realized my grandfather was not going to get better I lost some of the little innocence that still remained.
Today a part of me died when I was told that I would never see, touch, or hear my grandfather again.
I do not use the term 'hero' lightly. As far as I can remember ever since my "rebirth" in 1991, there have only been 2 individuals that I would label as heroes: my father and my grandfather.
Only two.
I am an emotional being. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I do so because that's who I am and it's who I want to be. I personally believe that holding ones emotions inside is not only unhealthy, it's not wise. Holding this belief I rarely keep things inside, and I share my emotions usually via the power of writing.
It's what I do.
It's who I am.
Since I first was "re-introduced" to my grandparents in August 1991, I have had the pleasure of spending hours upon days upon weeks with my Nana & Grandpa. Trips to Maine, Las Vegas, cruises, dinners, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and so forth, I have more than enough memories to easily let me remember and love 2 of the most special people in the world. But if there's anything that I will miss more than anything else in the whole world (the tears are streaming down my face as I write this) it's the times where I would come over and play cards with my Grandfather.
When I returned to live with my father back in 1991 I was a tortured soul. Trying to deal emotionally with my alcoholic mother who had caused me so much pain, I returned to eastern Massachusetts a lonely, confused boy. With only 1 or 2 friends I had lots of time and I needed lots of time to heal. Without any planning or thought regarding the matter, I suddenly found myself spending much of that time at my grandparents on many a weekend, playing no-name rummy, poker, blackjack, and acey-duecy with my Grandfather for hours on end. While my Grandfather and I played cards and I gambled away the little money that I had, my Nana would make desserts and I look back and realize those were some of the happiest days of my life. No trips, no excursions, no specific reasons to spend time, the simple time that I spent with my Grandfather for those years before college and during the college breaks were some of the happiest moments of my life. The fact that one of the last things we did when he was still physically able was play cards on our wedding cruise and I have the pictures to show for it... it makes me smile and know what joy is.
But my Grandfather lived a whole life before those moments of the last decade that affected me the most. Born on March 28, 1918, he was an exceptional athlete in baseball, football, and his favorite sport: hockey. He was a Marine captain in the late 1930s/early 1940s. He worked for Eastern Airlines for nearly 40 years until he retired in 1983. Most importantly, he was a loving father of his wife of 61 years, 3 boys, 6 grandchildren, and numerous other fortunate souls.
Right now I have a gaping hole in my heart that I know will heal, but it feels like it never will. When I got the phone call this morning from Betty all I could do was scream for a minute or two. Only 5 minutes before, I told Mellisa that I didnt know what I would do when the call finally came in and that day was today.
I realize that at 28 years old that I have my whole life ahead of me. If I am fortunate enough to live as long as Grandpa did I will have children and grandchildren of my own. I know that he would want me to go on and have a happy, full life and not to mourn him for very long. I realize these things and I think that if I do live that long, that means I will have lived 57 years without my Grandfather here by my side. I think about this and I don't want to go that long without him here with me. I don't know how I can go on without him here.
But I will go on.
I will go on because it's what I have to do.
I will go on because if I don't I will not be respecting the individual I loved so much for so long.
I will go on and I will heal.
I am in more pain right now than I thought possible and I am still accepting the fact that I will never see my grandfather again.
There will be no more holidays, no more celebrations, no more cruises, and no more simple nights of playing cards with him by my side.
I sometimes wish that I could go back in time and experience those times again, for maybe I would appreciate it even more the second time around. As I think about these wishes I realize that they are completely normal feelings to have, no matter how impossible they are to come true.
But if there was one wish I could have recently made, it would have been that the last time I see my grandfather I would be able to ask him if he was at peace with dying, to give him a kiss and hold his hand, to laugh with him just one more time, and to tell him that I love him and will ALWAYS love him.
On Saturday I got to do all of these things in the 30 minutes or so that I spent with him in the hospital with my wife and my father. In retrospect, these 30 minutes were some of the happiest moments of my life. They were also the last 30 minutes my Grandfather and I ever shared.
If I had one more wish it would be that in some form, at some point, I see you again.
I will always love you, and I miss you more than I thought was humanly possible.
I miss you so very, very much.
I love you Grandpa.
I will never forget you, and I will NEVER stop loving you...
...my hero.
Daniel |
