You're very perceptive. Norton is an erotic vegetable. He calls himself a "horndog." First time I'd heard the term. He's very perceptive too. You may have a lot in common. I'm sure he just needs some balancing. Say frinstance your peaceful and erotic vegetables, with his insanity and dangerous vegetables. I think I can illuminate Nort's state: Yes, he brings by assorted rifles, blowguns, arm rockets, and crossbows; and keeps a Smith and Wesson with maybe three hundred rounds in his car; but I think the thing that made me most nervous (and why I'm certain you'd want this Oregon wood~duck in your yard) was an afternoon display of a favorite weapon of the serious local underground - the Black/ABS 70mm Tuberosum (Solanum).
Sure, I'm not up on my weaponry. When he said it was a spudgun, and that he had to bring it by NOW, I thought it was a "clever" gunnery nickname like "Street Sweeper" is for an automatic shotgun. I wondered if the Sheriff would be following, and Nort would wanna maybe hole up at the house. I wasn't thinking weird enough.
This stinger's about the size of a shoulder-held anti-tank weapon, all black excepting cryptic white letters stretching about four feet down the smooth, thick barrel. At the head end is an enlarged cookie-jar shaped ignition chamber where a gaseous charge is sparked - and a booming explosion blows a Safeway (so to speak) potato 300 yards with velocity sufficient to knock a bear off a bicycle. Or blow right thru him. The longest edge of my lot is about 120 feet, but Nort's already loadin 'er up. He's got a 10 lb plastic sack of ammo and some cannister of explosively flammable volatile. I've got to find something to knock him unconscious. Maybe the taters.
The last time he was here he was blowing (I think un-poisoned) darts at my phone pole with no idea where they were going if he missed - something I've noticed lots of nuts seem not to think thru. While mem- slides of civil-war engravings of overheated and weakened cannon exploding are jumping off my hardrive, Nort's dropped to a crouch and swung aim at a sheet of plywood leaned against another stack. I jumped behind the corner of my house, really pretty much terrified and expecting to see coconut-shell shards of pipe and cranium come rolling around after me.
Well, I guess this was a longer story than I thought, and I have to go to sleep now. |
