It seems some people still do care, although I'm beginning to wonder how many.
This is the most recent poll I could find which says most people don't care as long as marriage isn't involved. That seems to be a belief held by a general cross section of Americans. I'm not convince that our nation is "deeply divided" nor am I convinced that we are plagued by confusion.
If you'd like to see an excellent movie that illustrates the struggles of homosexuals and blacks in mid 20th century America watch "Far From Heaven."
M
Posted on Sun, Oct. 12, 2003
Supporting gays, but not gay marriage
For many, equality is one thing, but an institution's sanctity is quite another.
By Alfred Lubrano
Inquirer Staff Writer
They have accepted the gay man next door, the lesbian couple down the street. They have agreed that gay Americans should not be discriminated against.
But same-sex marriage is something else.
"I am not a bigoted person," said Vincenza Maiorano, a 20-year-old Temple University junior from Northeast Philadelphia. "I'm in favor of gay rights and antidiscriminatory legislation for gays. But within the context of Catholicism, marriage is blessed by the church and reserved for a union of a man and woman. Gay people don't have the right to marry."
For people such as Maiorano, the images of two tuxedos at the altar, or two wedding dresses under the chuppah, are just too unsettling.
Maiorano is part of a hard-to-track, demographically diverse group that includes liberals and conservatives, city folk and suburbanites, the religious and the nonreligious.
Some - dubbed "Morally Anguished Fence Sitters," or MAFS - are intellectually troubled by their heartfelt anti-gay marriage stance, and have a hard time squaring it with their support of gay rights. Others are less conflicted.
Even so, they all consider gay marriage an uncrossable line.
"I'm a MAFS," said David Blankenhorn, president of the Institute for American Values, a nonpartisan think tank on the family, based in New York. "On the one hand, people like us don't want to be bigots, and we believe in equal dignity for people, regardless of sexual orientation.
"On the other hand, we believe children deserve a mother and father and are worried about a law that would write that idea out of the script. People are torn about this."
John Musumeci, 51, owner of Alloway Village Hardware & Feed in Salem County, feels no such discomfort.
"I don't care about sexual orientation, but gay marriage is a step too far," said Musumeci, a former Navy man and nuclear engineer. "Marriage is for procreation of the human species. There's a fundamental principle that's wrong when a government or a church says two girls or guys can marry."
A confluence of events
These days, gay marriage remains a topic of widespread debate. Many Americans are still whirling from a confluence of events over the summer that placed gay life at the forefront of U.S. culture.
Since June, Canada legalized gay marriage; the U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Texas sodomy law, a ruling that many believe could pave the way to gay marriage; and the Episcopal Church elected an openly gay bishop.
Meanwhile, court watchers are awaiting a ruling in a Massachusetts case - said to be imminent - that could make that state the first to allow gay marriage.
In addition, television has been filled with gay-centric shows, while photos of men kissing men and women kissing women have been making the newspapers.
Polls show that these events and trends might be changing many Americans' minds about gay rights, which had been receiving growing support until recently.
Between 1992 and 2002, the percentage of Americans who said it was wrong for people to engage in homosexual sex fell from 75 percent to 56 percent - "a huge drop," according to Tom Smith, director of the General Social Survey at the University of Chicago. He attributed that in part to the deaths of elderly Americans who disapprove of gay life, along with an increased acceptance of homosexuals encouraged by the Clinton administration.
But in a recent reversal, a Gallup poll taken after the U.S. Supreme Court decision in June showed that Americans' approval of civil unions between homosexuals decreased from 49 percent to 40 percent.
A 28th Amendment?
And support for a 28th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, banning gay marriage, has begun to grow. Polls show that half of Americans favor it, although when it came up at a Senate hearing last month, there was little support.
Two dozen conservative groups have declared this "Marriage Protection Week," starting today, an idea endorsed by President Bush. They are trying to gather support for the amendment, which would define marriage as a union between a man and a woman.
Could this change in trends reflect the attitude of MAFS and others opposed to, or ambivalent about, gay marriage?
"Even very liberal people say gay marriage makes them uncomfortable," political scientist Alan Wolfe said. Wolfe, director of the Boisi Center for Religion and American Public Life at Boston College, added, "There are significant numbers of people who support tolerance for homosexuality, but marriage is the issue where they draw the line. Marriage is an ideal image Americans want to protect."
Some heterosexuals reject gay marriage on religious grounds, citing biblical verses that they believe prohibit it. Others say that while sexuality is private, marriage is public - and that gay people should keep their love lives unseen. Another concern given by some is that gay marriage will drain the benefits system, such as health insurance, a notion that is still being debated.
Many are confused by an idea that seems radical and difficult to understand.
John Di Pasquale, 71, of Springfield Township, Montgomery County, describes himself as a liberal who was part of the avant-garde Beat Generation of the 1950s. He is against the conservative call for a constitutional amendment that would prohibit gay marriage.
Di Pasquale believes that "whatever homosexual people do in the privacy of their bedrooms is OK." He thinks gay people should be able to adopt and raise children. But, he said, "I think gay marriage is ludicrous. It puts the whole institution in a bad situation. A marriage is a man-and-woman situation. And marriage is sacred."
Jim Fenton, 68, of Bridesburg, who is relatively conservative on political and social issues, said he was "not for or against gays," adding that his attitude is, "just don't bother me and I won't bother you." But, he said, "same-sex marriage ruins the fabric of the family, whether there are children or not. And families are the backbone of the nation."
Adapting a more conciliatory tone, Patricia Little, 37, director of a University City group that works with inner-city teenagers, said she always has felt comfortable with gay colleagues and friends. Still, she does not agree with the notion of gay marriage, because it's not supported by her born-again Christian-Presbyterian views.
"It boils down to what the Bible says," Little explained. "For me, it's Leviticus, First Corinthians, Romans, and the Adam and Eve story, of one man with one woman. Still, I do not condemn or treat homosexual people differently."
Although some critics in the gay community say it is not possible to support homosexuals and object to gay marriage - "if you're not for it, you're against us" is the attitude - representatives of gay-marriage groups take a more understanding view.
As hard as it is for gay people to hear anti-marriage views from these middle-of-the-roaders, criticizing MAFS would be unfair, according to David Smith, an official with the Human Rights Campaign, the country's largest gay-advocacy group, based in Washington.
"People who are uncomfortable with same-sex marriage or with images of gays kissing in newsmagazines are not bigoted," Smith said. "People are operating out of what they've been taught as they've grown up, which is, unfortunately, that being gay is wrong. People are trying to come to terms in their own minds with this, and are working through the issues."
Similarly, Evan Wolfson, executive director of Freedom to Marry, a New York City-based national group working for acceptance of gay marriage, sees a class of Americans he calls the "confused middle."
"They grew up not knowing gay people, and they're struggling with this issue," Wolfson said. "But they are thinking things through, and their positions are much further along than a decade ago. And they'll be in a better place a decade from now."
Smith said younger Americans were more accepting of gay culture and tended to be more supportive of the idea of gay marriage, which, he added, bodes well for the future.
But today it's still an issue that leaves the nation deeply divided.
"Maybe I'm missing the point somewhere," said Catherine McLaughlin, 74, of Fox Chase. She's a generally liberal retired federal employee who attends church and does not consider herself closed-minded.
"I try to be a good person and understand all people. But I cringe when I see two of the same sex getting married. It shouldn't be condoned. It's just the way I was brought up."
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