Speaking of the 2004 Demo-contenders... ;-)
Democratic pols picayunish at podium
Jim Shea - Hartford Courant
Monday, November 3, 2003
As the Democratic presidential debates continue to deteriorate, we join the final encounter already in progress:
Lieberman: . . . and on top of that, Howard Dean is a big dooty head.
Dean: Am not.
Lieberman: Are too.
Dean: Am not.
Moderator: Gentlemen, if we may, let's move on to the war in Iraq.
Kerry: I was for it, now I'm not.
Edwards: I was for it, but now I'm not too.
Clark: I was for it and then I didn't know if I was for it and now I'm, er, what day is it?
Lieberman: Sen. Kerry, I don't see how you could vote for the war but not for the $87 billion to fund it.
Kerry: It's simple, Joe, I'm a war hero, and you're a twerp.
Clark: Yeah, gimme a high five.
Edwards: Maybe if the senator from Connecticut spent a little less time on policy and a little more time on his hair he might actually excite a voter.
Lieberman: You know what the difference is between road kill and a dead lawyer on the side of the road?
Sharpton: Hey, I know, I know.
Moderator: Rev. Sharpton.
Sharpton: Skid marks.
Moderator: Mr. Gephardt, you've been quiet this evening.
Gephardt: You know, it just dawned on me the only thing I have a chance of being president of is Iowa.
Kucinich: Hello.
Moderator: Ms. Moseley Braun, how do you feel about the Iraq question?
Moseley Braun: Oh, I don't care. I'm just happy to be up here.
Moderator: Gov. Dean, how should we fund postwar Iraq?
Dean: I know but I'm not saying until Sen. Rubber Face apologizes for calling me a big dooty head.
Lieberman: Dooty head. Dooty head. Dooty head.
Dean: I'm telling.
Sharpton: Mr. Moderator, I have a question for Gov. Dean.
Moderator: Go ahead.
Sharpton: Yo, Dean, what's wrong with your neck, man, can't you turn that thing?
Dean: Well, I got one for you, Al. Where do you buy pants with a 38-inch waist and 20-inch inseam?
Sharpton: Your mama knows.
Moderator: Gentlemen! Gentlemen, please. We only have a few more minutes. Final statements, who would like to go first?
Dean: I should go first, I'm the front-runner.
Moseley Braun: Ladies before gentlemen.
Kerry: She's right, let Lieberman go first.
Lieberman: What's that supposed to mean?
Clark: It's about leadership, people, I'll make the tough decisions.
Edwards: Stuff it, general.
Sharpton: Shut up, Edwards.
Gephardt: Have another doughnut, Al.
Kucinich: Hello.
Jim Shea is a columnist for the Hartford Courant. |
