Turkeys on the Moon
Published on Tuesday, December 9, 2003 by CommonDreams.org
by Michael Moore
commondreams.org
December 8, 2003
Dear Mr. Bush,
Well, it's going on two weeks now since your surprise visit to one of
the two countries you now run and, I have
to say, I'm still warmed by the gesture. Man, take me along next time!
I understand only 13 members of the
media went with you -- and it turns out only ONE of them was an actual reporter
for a newspaper. But you did
take along FIVE photographers (hey, I get it, screw the words,
it's all about the pictures!), a couple wire service
guys, and a crew from the Fox News Channel (fair and balanced!).
Then, I read in the paper this weekend that that big turkey
you were holding in Baghdad (you know, the picture
that's supposed to replace the now-embarrassing footage of you
on that aircraft carrier with the sign "Mission
Accomplished") -- well, it turns out that big, beautiful turkey of yours
was never eaten by the troops! It wasn't
eaten by anyone! That's because it wasn't real! It was a STUNT turkey,
brought in to look like a real edible
turkey for all those great camera angles.
Now I know some people will say you are into props
(like the one in the lower extremities of your flyboy suit),
but hey, I get it, this is theater! So what if it was a bogus turkey?
The whole trip was bogus, all staged to look
like "news." The fake honey glaze on that bird wasn't much different
from the fake honey glaze that covers this
war. And the fake stuffing in the fake bird was just the right
symbol for our country during these times. America
loves fake honey glaze, it loves to be stuffed, and, dammit,
you knew that -- that's what makes you so in
touch with the people you lead!
It was also a good idea that you made the "press" on that trip to
Baghdad pull the shades down on the plane.
No one in the media entourage complained.
They like the shades pulled and they like to be kept in the dark.
It's more fun that way. And, when you made them take the batteries
out of their cell phones so they wouldn't
be able to call anyone, and they dutifully complied -- that was genius!
I think if you had told them to put their
hands on their heads and touch their noses with their tongues,
they would have done that, too! That's how
much they like you. You could have played "Simon Says"
the whole way over there. It wouldn't have been that
much different from "Karl Says," a game they LOVE
to play every day with Mr. Rove.
Well, if you're planning any surprises for Christmas, don't forget to include me.
When I heard last week that you wanted to send a man back to the moon,
I thought, get the fake goose ready -- that's where ol' George is
going for the holidays! I don't blame you,
what with nearly 3 million jobs disappeared, and a $281 billion surplus
disappeared, and the USA stuck in a war that will never end -- who wouldn't
want to go to the moon!
This time, take ALL the media with you! Embed them on the moon!
They'll love it there! It looks just like Crawford! You
can golf on the moon, too. You'll have so much fun up there,
you might not want to come back. Better take
Cheney with you, too. Pretend it's a medical experiment or something.
"That's one small step for man, one
giant leap for every American who's sick and tired of all this crap."
Yours,
Michael Moore
mmflint@aol.com
www.michaelmoore.com |
