I found this hysterical:
These are from a book called Disorder in the
American Courts ,and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with
you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
remember which.
_______________________________________
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said
to you when he
woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
_______________________________________
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how
old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was
taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead
people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined
the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient
was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in
a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been
alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law somewhere. |
