Hey, JJ! I finally got ahold of a draft of your new Constitution.
DRAFT EUROPEAN CONSTITUTION
PRERAMBLE.
We the intellectuals of the European Union, in order to create a more docile bourgeois, establish subsidies, insure domestic rail service, provide for the general Moroccan immigrant community, promote the regional autogyro industry, and secure comfortable holiday accommodations in Ibiza for ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the European Union.
ARTICLE I
Section 1. All legislative powers herein granted shall be vested in a dazzling committee of the Avant Garde, which shall consist of a “Sartre” and “House of Foucaults.”
Section 2. The House of Foucaults shall be composed of members appointed, bicentennially, by a blue-ribbon panel of the Societe Internationale de Jerry Lewis.
Section 3. The Sartre of the European Union shall be composed of an equal number of representatives, appointed by the The Sartre of the European Union. Or will it? Pff. Life, it is so absurd.
Section 4. A fully-staffed chateau, along with a Chauffeur, will be provided.
Section 5. And also a clean, late-model Mercedes, with the dark window-tinting.
AMENDMENTS
I. The Intellectuals shall make no law disrespecting the establishment of Sharia, for this is surely going to set off some Imam, and the whole business could become quite nasty. Also, there will be a 11.62% VAT on television equipment to ensure freedom of the BBC.
II. A well regulated lumpenprole being necessary to the security of the EU Staff, the right of Chauffeur to gun the Mercedes through mobs of angry protesters shall not be infringed.
III. Ajax Amsterdam supporters shall receive hovercraft vouchers to trave to European Cup matches in Denmark.
IV. EU Municipalities shall strictly adhere to the provisions of the 2001 Maastricht Accords on Metric Dog Poo Reporting.
V. All EU children shall have the right to free public education, from age 5 through year 48.
VI. All EU citizens shall receive free health care.
VII. All EU airport security guards shall receive free tasers, in order to subdue escaping doctors.
VIII. Site nation of the “Euro Song Competition” will rotate alphabetically among member states, starting with Luxembourg, and will be hosted by Johnny Halliday.
IX. Cows of EU dairy operations have full rights to heated teat-graspers, and barn music from Kraftwerk.
X. Your Amendment Here! Call 1-800-ELF-AQUITAINE
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