How to be a Good Left-wing Liberal:
1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of
federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th
graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids
about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans
are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands
of Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected
by soccer moms driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being
homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment for criminals, even
murderers, but support abortion on demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression, and
governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony
activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that the military, not politicians, start
wars.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports
certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too
high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are
more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert
E.Lee and Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal, and really a
very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in
charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in
jail, but a draft-dodging liar and sex offender belonged in the White
House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and
manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the
Chinese government is somehow in the best interests of the United
States.
21. You have to refuse to discuss the issues in a rational manner and
whenever someone attempts to do so, out-shout them (preferably with
profanity and name-calling) and stick to personal slurs, smear
tactics, slander and building Straw Men so you can knock down the
Straw Persons and hopefully sidetrack the conversation.
22. You have to always ignore the message and attack the messenger.
When stuck, change a couple of your adversaries words' and repeat
their comments back to them verbatim and by all means always be sure
to accuse your opponents of using the very tactics used by the
Left-wing Liberals, remembering all the while that Lenin would be
proud.
23. No matter how credible a source may be always claim it's been
discredited and call anyone who believes it "mean spirited" and crazy.
24. Whenever demonstrated facts don't agree with your agenda, twist
them and mangle them until you can make them fit into your prejudices,
the media will assist you greatly.
25. Once you've told a lie or slandered someone, be sure to repeat it
as often as possible until it becomes true. "Members and front
organizations must continually embarrass, discredit and degrade our
critics. When
obstructionists become too irritating, label them as fascist, or Nazi
or anti-Semitic .... The association will, after enough repetition,
become "fact" in the public mind." [ ~ Communist Party, Moscow Central
Committee, 1943]
26. You have to believe that all spirituality and all religions
except Islam are bad.
27. You have to use the following buzzwords as often as possible:
"Nazi", "Hitler", "police state", "imperialism", "imperialist",
"greedy corporations", "shrub", "fascist", "stolen election",
"racist", "entitlements," "plight of the [fill in the blank] peoples,
mean-spirited and, of course, overuse of the indispensable "F" word.
28. You have to believe that there were never any weapons of mass
destruction in Iraq, even though they were used against Iran, the
Kurds and the the Iraqi people and even though the many Democrats
warned us about WMD before the Iraqi invasion: William Jefferson
Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Sandy Berger, Madeline Albright, Senators
Carl Levin, Tom Daschle, Robert Byrd, Jay Rockefeller, John Kerry, Bob
Graham, Ted Kennedy, Representatives Nancy Pelosi and Henry Waxman and
vice-president Al Gore to name only the most vociferous.
29. You have to be a purveyor of perennial pessimism and a dispatcher
of doomsday gloom and hyperbolic hysteria whenever you can work some
scare tactics into the foreboding warnings of eventual catastrophe at
the hands of your adversaries, i.e. people who disagree with you.
30. Whenever possible, if you hear or read something that seems quite
logical and might influence someone against the Liberal viewpoint, be
sure to find some tiny, inconsequential irrelevancy, such as the
misspelling or mispronunciation of a word, unusual facial expression,
article of clothing or some morsel of arcane trivia to attempt to
derail the conversation into petty bickering replete with name-calling
and personal slurs. [Use of the "F" word is particularly effective,
especially when combined with prepubescent profanity and puerile
posturing.]
31. Always have unkind and accusatory slurs cocked and ready to use
regarding any armed forces personnel other than your own candidates,
sell-outs, turncoats, traitors and those who are guilty of or advocate
treason.
32. When your adversary presents a particularly damning discovery,
pervert it, twist it around, accuse him of something he didn't say,
falsely attribute your invention to him and then proceed to argue
against your own creation with the hope nobody will notice.
33. You have to remember that nobody but your adversaries, real or
imagined are ever to blame for anything and no one should ever be
accountable or held responsible for their words or actions - they're
just misunderstood.
34. You have to be a victim of as many things as possible and be ever
vigilant to promote victimization of almost anything and anyone
although that's very difficult to reconcile with the assertion that
nobody's to blame for anything, except the people who don't agree with
you.
35. You must always have double standards, a higher standard that you
demand of people you don't like and people who don't agree with you
and another for yourself and your confederates which is preferably no
standards at all.
36. You must with all your heart and soul hate America and Americans
and bash them at every opportunity, while claiming you love freedom
and America contending that patriots are really traitors.
37. You must always remember that you are a member of the grown up 4-H
and always display their watchwords: hyperbole, hysteria,
hallucinations and hate.
38. You have to believe that just because your candidate lost an
election or an unacceptable law was passed there's always the
possibility of going to court to get your way.
39. You are always to belittle and deride concepts such as patriotism,
honor, honesty, faithfulness, fidelity, loyalty, courage, bravery,
principles, trust, trustworthiness, reliability, responsibility,
respect, fortitude and character as being naive and passé.
40. You have to believe that all of the above is part of a vast right
wing conspiracy. |
