This did not have to be: Unhappy Holidays
Military families are struggling to cope with having their loved ones away at this time of year.
By Martha Brant
NewsweekDec. 19 - Sonja Burris of Kansas is like most military wives. She gets down sometimes, especially around the holidays, about her husband being so far away for so long. But she muddles through. She thought she was doing pretty well, even considered herself lucky. Terry, an Army reservist from the 129th Transport serving in Iraq since January, was able to come home for the birth of their daughter, Brooke, a few months ago.
But then Sonja went to her gynecologist for a postpartum visit. She was talking with her doctor about her husband when the doctor said: "If you need any antidepressants, give us a call any time." Burris was shocked. She didn't feel depressed enough to take medication. "There was no mention of counseling or anything. Just a prescription offered anytime," she says.
The psychological toll of war doesn't get all the attention it deserves. Some 10 to 15 percent of soldiers treated for injuries at Walter Reed hospital also suffer psychological wounds. However, no one keeps track of the emotional impact on families.
Stress, anxiety and depression peak this time of year. Burris says several women in her husband's unit have gone on antidepressants. In some cases, people really need chemical help. But it often seems like it is easier to get a prescription than good counseling. Now, the military has started a new 24/7 hotline called Army One Source (800-464-8107)for everything from coping problems to plumber referrals. The service provides six face-to-face sessions with a therapist for those whose medical insurance doesn't cover family counseling.
A lot of families have also banded together to form support groups. The Army organizes "family readiness groups" and family assistance centers. For reservists, there are National Guard family-assistance centers. But some families, especially those who don't live on bases, have taken to creating their own morale boosters.
The women of the 129th, which spans five states, have a very active online support group. At the local level, in places like Osage, Kans., for example, the wives get together all the time for dinner, window shopping and what they call "our moments." "We're there for each other when it feels like the sky is falling," says Amanda Bellew, 20, who was married just a few weeks before her husband, Jason,was deployed to Iraq.
Together the women have already sent out more than 100 care packages to their husbands. For Christmas, they sent a fake tree and stockings stuffed with things like beef jerky, nuts, ornaments and fun stuff like slingshots and gliders. They try not to dwell on their situations when they are together. "We're trying to get our minds off it," Bellew says.
Before her husband's deployment, Bellew was a student and he was a certified welder in Osage. He now makes about $20,000--some 30 percent of his former salary. They don't have big house or car payments, but still she quit school and went to work as a waitress. They needed the money and, besides, she couldn't concentrate on classes. "I think about him 23 hours and 59 minutes a day," Bellew says.
Financial woes only add to an already stressful situation. In a Department of Defense survey a few years ago, soldiers who were deploying said their No. 1 concern was not getting killed, but their family finances. A broken-down car, a house repair, anything they might have done themselves, now have to come out of their paycheck. And childcare falls to just one parent.
Shauna Hanson of Wisconsin was juggling two disabled kids, working and missing her husband, Jamie, when the pressure finally proved too much. She had a nervous breakdown. Because she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, Army insurance covered a counselor and he insisted that she take a medical leave from her job. But there was no disability insurance. Suddenly, she was relying only on her husband's paycheck.
When the eviction notices started coming, Hanson turned to Army Emergency Relief (703-325-0184).This private nonprofit charity helps struggling military families with food, rent and other emergencies. Thanks to AER, Hanson is scraping by financially, month to month. But she still can't sleep at night. "This has been the worst year of my life," she says. The psychological debt for Hanson and all military families this holiday season is high.
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