One:
Juan Pablo Montoya takes 2004 Formula One World Championship from Michael Schumacher and Ferrari by one point. Under terrible rainy conditions, Montoya outdrives Schumacher who failed to impress his arch-rival spinning out in a final attempt to take the Colombian out of the race as they entered the last lap in Brazil; new F-1 star Alonso overtakes Schumacher as a reward for the former World Champion's effort to push Montoya out and finishing a disappointing third place --losing the championship in the process
Two:
Osama Bin Laden is killed in failed attempt to bomb US Embassy in Riyadh; explosive device blows in his face as he was fitting it on suicide volunteer. Yasser Arafat, along with a collection of other misfits made up of the list of 10 most wanted terrorists, who were also present, get blown away by powerful blast. None of the US forces who were in the vicinity after a tip-off from a trusted source were injured
Three:
Fidel Castro dies of excruciating, rare, and painful Cancer of the testicles and brain; Cuba embraces true free market becoming genuine Laissez Faire Capitalism heaven; tells US bureaucrats, China pseudo-Communists, and the Vatican to each go and fly a kite
Four:
Porsche enters Formula One competition taking 2004 Constructor's Championship and third place in the driver's event with F-1 new star Fernando Alonso who was signed away from Renault.
Five:
Republicans and Democrats lose to unknown newcomer Henry Louis Mencken Jr. (grandson of famous Baltimore newspaper editor). Mr. Mencken Jr, who entered politics only this year, beat the crap out of dumb and dumber (i.e. Republican and Democrat) candidates with a simple message:
Our party will run the government based on common honesty, common sense, and common decency.
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One can only dream... -gg |
