Extra, Extra... News Flash
Mexico, USA announce the mother of all mergers
Presidentes Vicente Fox of Mexico and Jorge Bush of the USA announce richest merger in the history of the world by combining the two neighboring countries into one. Former Coca Cola executive and current Presidente de Mexico and his counterpart former oil tycoon and current US President, surprised the world of politics and business alike for taking such a bold and practical move; this is more surprising because it comes from two politicians.
The announcement went on:
Mexico and the United States of America have decided to merge into one new country called The United States of AmerMexcorp
Mexico declares itself 51st state of the United States of America. Due to increasing debt, continued emigration by the masses into the American Southwestern states and continued popularity of the Spanish language and soap-operas throughout the same region, Presidente Fox decided to continue the work that Generalísimo Antonio Lopez de Santana initiated more than 150 years ago: To expand the US territory into their neighbor's front yard.
Presidente Fox, tired of arguing with their local politicos about silly arguments of excessive American influence in matters of national interest, decided for a more practical route, he declared:
Look amigos, the Spanish population in the west is expanding at an incredible rate, they procreate like rabbits on Viagra, this is making a lot of real estate brokers filthy rich and so we decided to bring to a more rapid conclusion what will happen anyway --and in the process, get a little of the action, which otherwise only goes to Uncle Sam. He said, "Uncle Vicente wanted to participate in the enrichment of the treasuries and this is a very practical way of doing so, after all, this Uncle Sam is just putting the real estate only, (hey comm'on man, at one point it was ours), but it is the masses of chicanos that are putting up the dough, so we decided we needed to bring this to a more equitable position.
We have been considering bringing Spaniard Enrique Iglesias as Minister of Romantic Affairs to the new cabinet, since the soap opera audience immediately would quadruple. This group can be highly influential in terms of votes so some degree of hypnotic powers would certainly be desired in this area. Mr. Iglesias has proven beyond doubt what he is capable of in the field of hypnosis...
Señor Fox continued: I say the following to the ultra-conservatives from Washington, the Neo-Nazis from Michigan, the KKK from the South and the separatists from Montana: With this strategy, --handing the keys to the rest of the country, we immediately gain majority in many districts and therefore it is an incredible common sense synergy working here. The new American States (the former Mexican part that is) will benefit from the leap in technology, and the Americans immediately gain access to cheap labor, and destroy the union's foolish arguments that Mexican labor is un-American (what rubbish, they do not know chit about Geography). So cool it you bunch-a-extremist, you are now the minority... and if you misbehave, we will put you in a boat headed for Cuba for a personal interview with Uncle Fidelito...
Together we now have a fighting chance against cheap labor in China. There may be other benefits not clear to the naked eye:
Look at all that un-developed beach front in the Mexican West Coast, as an example... great beaches at great prices, however, Mr. Fox said: "we will be careful how to develop these beaches, we will certainly NOT Californicate the area with Dysney parks for dumb and dumber and the like..." Another example would be all that oil and gas reserves.
(Mr. Fox clarified that the gas he was refering to was the natural gas that comes with oil, not the methane produced by excessive consumption of frijoles... now, come to think of it... it would be an added resource, somehow of a problem to pipe it though...).
The Democrats ought to give us support, since most Mexican would --in principle-- join the Democratic party, until of course they realize how idiotic their ideas are... and since they already know it is not a good idea to join the Republicans, this merger will give all the Independents a fighting chance to take Washington for the people, for the Mexican --and American people, of course...
Presidente Fox has a superb success rate in going against established cartels, since he defeated the feared PRI Monarchy that ruled Mexico for 71 years after the Robo-lucion. He would be an obvious candidate in the next election.
Presidente Fox said they are negotiating last minute details with Presidente Bush. Mr. Fox suggested that an agreement is all but a done deal, since if no agreement could be reached; the Mexican government would immediately declare war --and proceed with ipsofacto-surrender--
This would force unnecessary added expenses to the merger by the military occupation, since even the Guatemalan Army is better prepared than its Mexican counterpart.
It was rumored that a ticket "Fox in the Bush" would be a killer slogan and combination to defeat any foolish threat by the Democrats... it was not clear if Vicente or Jorge would be the presidente or the vice (and vice-versa). A side benefit would also be to tame the increasingly fanatico-style (bordering in Jesus-Wacko) character that the recent success in Irak has brought to the current administration... [cool it Jorgito man, you do not have to take the cue from distant cousin Yasser Arafat you know --you are starting to have that wide-eyed look of a suicide bomber]
Finally, The American --boys-- Soccer team would now have a decent chance for a successful bid at the World Cup, even to beat Brazil, Germany and Argentina in the same tournament. After years of humiliation by the girls counterpart team, (already champions TWICE), The American boys have gotten decimated in every tournament in sight, with this merger, the US team will have instant improved performance, much like those infamous e-mails about hardened penises and all that jazz....
Argentinean president Nestor Kirchener and his Brazilian counter part Mr. Lula da Silva had no comment on the news, other than to say that, this reminded them of Venezuelan hero Simon Bolivar who in the mid 1800's wanted to unify all of the American continent, yet his efforts were thwarted by... er... the " Americans" (i.e. the USA)
--ROFLOL |
