MoveOn winner announced! Courtesy of Iowahawk.
The last line is priceless.
MoveOn Greenlights ‘They Saved Hitler’s Brain’
Internet activism group MoveOn.org announced today that Oliver Stone’s remake of the 1963 science fiction film They Saved Hitler’s Brain has won top prize in their “Bush In 30 Seconds” commercial competition.
A jury of film experts headed by 2002 Discount Video Bin Actress of the Year Janeane Garofalo cited the script treatment’s “compelling nonlinear plot line” and “mesmerizing Tesla coils” in awarding it the coveted $40 million Soros Trophy over the runner up, a remake of the Troma classic Surf Nazis Must Die by Spike Lee.
In a slight change of the original 30-second limit, the film will be expanded to a four-part mini-series to run simultaneously on ABC, NBC and CBS during the last week of October. Stone screened the film for the press this afternoon, on conditions the ending would not be revealed.
In the film’s opening scene, family patriarch Senator Prescott Bush (James Brolin) travels to Berlin in 1945 on a clandestine mission to secure exile for his Nazi benefactors and to secure a VW dealership franchise for Kennebunkport. In a tense bunker meeting, Hitler (Ethan Hawke in a cameo) is beheaded by a jealous Eva Braun (Natalie Maines) after he reveals that he has been having an affair with Bush’s young daughter-in-law Barbara (Susan Sarandon). Quick thinking by Hitler’s crack staff of missile scientists (led by Jack Black) saves the severed head, which Bush wraps in his Brooks Brothers overcoat, and all escape as the bunker collapses under heavy Soviet artillery.
Back in the United States, Prescott Bush has different plans for Hitler’s noggin. In 1947 he sends his maniacal son George (Tim Robbins) to the top secret Area 51 facility near Roswell, New Mexico, where he is to supervise Nazi scientists in the ‘Project W’ - an unstoppable killing machine spliced from the brains of Hitler and captured intergalactic alien corpses.
Unbeknownst to the scientists, in nearby Alamagordo Senator Joe McCarthy (Moby) and a young Richard Nixon (George Clooney) have ordered an emergency above-ground HUAC nuclear “test” to destroy evidence of their Hollywood Writers internment camps. Just as Dr. Mengele (Kevin Spacey) is about to throw the switch to bring the creature to life, gamma rays from the blast cause a power surge and the creation of a terrible dimwitted mutant Nazi-alien fratboy.
The baby, codename “Hellspawn,” is taken to nearby Midland, TX to be raised by Bush and his wife. The growing boy (Haley Joel Osment) returns every summer to Roswell, where Hitler’s brain telepathically instructs him in evil and proper batting stance.
At 14, the demon seed is given his first assignment during a junior high "field trip" to Dealy Plaza, where he fires the shot that kills JFK. He is seen in a grainy Zapruder-inspired scene, crouching behind the grassy knoll in a Little League uniform with an unlicensed Daisy BB gun. Ironically, he has failed, because his real target is revealed to be Jackie (Sheryl Crow), who has reneged on a deal to cede the pink pillbox hat business to Bush lackeys Jack Ruby (Alec Baldwin) and the Teamsters.
As the mutant killbot spawn of the damned enters prep school and college, his reputation for unspeakable evil and unspeakable speaking grows. He joins the notorious Skull and Bones society at Yale, where as Sergeant at Arms he sadistically tortures pledges with his hobnailed Sperry Topsiders and mispronunciations of ‘nuclear.’
After his arranged graduation, he proves his mettle in the 'October Surprise.' During a crystal meth binge, he goes AWOL from the Alabama National Guard to fly a refurbished Area 51 saucer to Zurich, secretly depositing Neil Bush's Silverado S&L windfall to a Swiss Bank controlled by Jackie Mason (Rob Reiner) and cabal of neocon Catskill comedians. The money is later used to fund "Operation Killer Rabbit", a clandestine CIA-Oliver North (Dave Matthews) operation that fatally dooms the Jimmy Carter (Martin Sheen) presidency.
His drunken UFO flying skills so impress Richard Mellon Scaiff (Michael Stipe) that his secretive team of Israeli neo-gastroenterologists appointed him head of Jack Ruby's secret "Texas Rangers" baseball conspiracy, where they funnel $250,000,000 to undercover Mossad agent Alex Rodriguez (Hector Elizondo) as a tax dodge for Regnery.
The ultimate payoff for W comes in November 2000, when the entire global conspiracy conspires to plot to steal the election, using Jeb Bush’s secret army of hot Nazi bikini killers from Epcot, trained by Katherine Harris (Barbra Streisand).
Finally in control of the White House, Hitler uses telepathic powers to relay instructions to Project W through a neocon Zionist cabal (The Beastie Boys), Karl Rove (Robin Williams), Donald Rumsfeld (Michael Moore) and “negro” Gestapo agents Colin Powell (Harry Belafonte) and Condoleezza Rice (Danny Glover). On the cusp of the Fourth Reich, they giddily chart out a worldwide fascist plan for war, suppressing dissent and capital gains tax cuts.
Can a plucky group of internet activists, led by a feisty Vermont doctor (Robert Redford) and mysterious financier (Ed Asner) stop them before it’s too late?
Chicago Sun-Times film critic Roger Ebert hailed They Saved Hitler’s Brain for its “stark graininess, reminiscent of Shoah,” and its “period detail, including the animated snack bar intermission announcement, with its goose-stepping phalanxes of hotdog and popcorn Storm Troopers.”
Announcement of the prize enraged many Republicans and Jewish organizations. GOP Chairman Ed Gillespie demanded that MoveOn apologize for comparing President Bush to Hitler, and said that with the film, “the Democrats risk making themselves irrelevant on the national political stage.”
“Irrelevant? Ha,” retorted MoveOn founder Joan Blades. “We ARE big,” she said. “It’s the pictures that got small.” |
