The Argyle General
The New York Times
January 11, 2004
OP-ED COLUMNIST
By MAUREEN DOWD
WASHINGTON--Can we trust a man who muffs his mufti?
Trying to soften his military image and lure more female voters in
New Hampshire, Gen. Wesley Clark switched from navy suits to argyle sweaters.
It's an odd strategy. The best way to beat a doctor is not to look like a pharmacist.
General Clark's new pal Madonna, who knows something about
pointy fashion statements, should have told him that those are not the kind of
diamonds that make girls swoon.
Is there anything more annoying than argyle? Maybe Lamar Alexander's
red plaid shirt. Maybe celebrities sporting red Kabbalah strings.
After General Clark's ill-fitting suits in his first few debates - his collars
seemed to be standing away from his body in a different part of the room
- a sudden infusion of dandified sweaters and duck boots just intensifies
the impression that he's having a hard time adjusting to civilian life.
It's also a little alarming that he thinks the way to ensorcell women is
to swaddle himself in woolly geometric shapes that conjure up images of
Bing Crosby on the links or Fred MacMurray at the kitchen table.
"I think there's an impression that the armed forces is
a male-dominated, hierarchical, authoritarian institution," he told The Times about his
gender gap, notwithstanding the fact that the armed forces is a
male-dominated, hierarchical, authoritarian institution.
After his rivals jumped on him for trading hats with the Bosnian
war criminal Ratko Mladic in 1994, you'd think he'd stick to his true gear.
His own Army camouflage - a material modish in the last few
years in everything from bras to cargo pants to grenade-tossing Madonna videos -
would have caused more of a frisson in female voters than country club plaid.
(After all, the president's harnessed "Top Gun" costume set
Republican female hearts aflutter.)
On Thursday, eight reporters and three minicams trailed the general
as he sweater-shopped at L. L. Bean in Concord, N.H. Chris Suellentrop filed
a fashion dispatch in Slate that the Democratic candidate tried
on "a plain, green, wool crew neck sweater."
Maybe the former supreme allied commander should stop fretting
over his style and do more with Colin Powell's belated admission that despite his
assertions to the U.N. last year, he had no "smoking gun" proof of
a link between Saddam and Al Qaeda. General Clark has long been skeptical of
that link.
Is his staff watching "What Not to Wear" or "Style Court"? It's discouraging
to see presidential campaigns succumb to the makeover culture.
Obviously, appearances count, but clothes don't make the man.
Sometimes, they unmake him.
In the final stretch of Michael Dukakis's moribund '88 campaign,
he borrowed an aide's brown suede jacket to look cozier. (If General Clark has
trouble with civvies, Mr. Dukakis was a dud with military duds,
aping Rocky the Flying Squirrel on that tank.)
Al Gore sprouted earth tones in 2000, hoping heathery brown
sweaters and khakis would warm him up.
During her Senate campaign, Hillary Clinton emulated Barbara Walters
and began tying a sweater around her neck, over suits, to look softer and
more feminine.
Sometimes sweaters can do the trick, and sometimes they can't.
Dan Rather, who had been perceived as colder than his predecessor,
Walter Cronkite, suddenly got better ratings in 1982 and pulled into first
place when he started wearing gray and maroon sweater vests under
a sport coat to deliver the news. The Washington Post TV critic Tom Shales
hailed Mr. Rather's "trust-me, you've-got-a-friend, hello-out-there-in-television-land" aura.
But Jimmy Carter learned how clothes, like rabbits, can viciously turn
on you after he gave an energy conservation fireside chat in a gray
cardigan. Americans who had embraced Mr. Carter's populist
polyester blend suits railed against the cardigan, associating it with malaise and
economic pain.
I asked Dan Rather about Wesley Clark's sweater strategy.
"It makes a difference what kind of sweater you wear," he replied.
"Some sweaters went out of style about the time spats did. You don't want to
pick one of those."
In a sartorial update to Churchill, General Clark wants to lead us
in our battle against terrorism, giving his blood, toil, tears and sweaters.
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