Tony Blair calls on the phone to George W. Bush, and here's how the conversation went:
Tony Blair: Hi George, how are you?
George Bush: I'm fine, Tony. A bit worried 'bout these pesky Democrats. But, otherwise, I'm fine. What can I do for you? They haven't found out, have they?
Tony Blair: No, that's not why I'm calling, George. No, they haven't found out anything. They're getting close, though. A little too close for comfort.
George Bush: Yeah, I know what you mean. Don't worry 'bout it--I think we can still stonewall 'em!
Tony Blair: I hope so, I've got all kinds of problems over here on my end.
George Bush: So how can I help you? You wanna borrow Karl Rove for a spell?
Tony Blair: No. Not even he'd help. Here's why I'm calling.
George Bush: Lay it on me.
Tony Blair: George, here's my problem--I'm sending it over to you now via email. It should be on your computer now. Why don't you read it and then we'll talk.
George Bush: Sure.
George Bush to Laura Bush: Honey, think you could get me signed onto my computer? Tony's sending something over to me.
Laura Bush: Why, sure honey. You mean you haven't learned to sign on yet?
George Bush: Not yet. But I'm workin' on it. Just get it for me, will ya Sweetie?
Laura Bush: Why for you, my Mr. President Man, you know I'd do anything in the world for you. (pause) Here you go, Shrubie. You're online now. You want me to bring up your email? Do you remember your password?
George Bush: Darsh gonnit, I forget! I think I've got it written down somewhere. Let me see if I can find it. Ah, here it is. Here you go, Honey.
Laura Bush: Thank you, George. There you go. Yes, you do have an email from Tony. It's entitled "URGENT!"
George Bush: OK, outta my way--let me read what he has to say.
Tony Blair's Email: George, now that we've taken over Iraq--do you think we Brits could live there? We've gotta do something fast. Look at what's happening--Read this!
>>>Global warming will plunge Britain into new ice age 'within decades'
By Geoffrey Lean, Environment Editor
25 January 2004
Britain is likely to be plunged into an ice age within our lifetime by global warming, new research suggests.
A study, which is being taken seriously by top government scientists, has uncovered a change "of remarkable amplitude" in the circulation of the waters of the North Atlantic.
Similar events in pre-history are known to have caused sudden "flips" of the climate, bringing ice ages to northern Europe within a few decades. The development - described as "the largest and most dramatic oceanic change ever measured in the era of modern instruments", by the US Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute, which led the research - threatens to turn off the Gulf Stream, which keeps Europe's weather mild.
If that happens, Britain and northern Europe are expected to switch abruptly to the climate of Labrador - which is on the same latitude - bringing a nightmare scenario where farmland turns to tundra and winter temperatures drop below -20C. The much-heralded cold snap predicted for the coming week would seem balmy by comparison.
A report by the International Geosphere-Biosphere Programme in Sweden - launched by Nobel prize-winner Professor Paul Crutzen and other top scientists - warned last week that pollution threatened to "trigger changes with catastrophic consequences" like these.
Scientists have long expected that global warming could, paradoxically, cause a devastating cooling in Europe by disrupting the Gulf Stream, which brings as much heat to Britain in winter as the sun does: the US National Academy of Sciences has even described such abrupt, dramatic changes as "likely". But until now it has been thought that this would be at least a century away.
The new research, by scientists at the Centre for Environment, Fisheries and Acquaculture Science at Lowestoft and Canada's Bedford Institute of Oceanography, as well as Woods Hole, indicates that this may already be beginning to happen.
Dr Ruth Curry, the study's lead scientist, says: "This has the potential to change the circulation of the ocean significantly in our lifetime. Northern Europe will likely experience a significant cooling."
Robert Gagosian, the director of Woods Hole, considered one of the world's leading oceanographic institutes, said: "We may be approaching a threshold that would shut down [the Gulf Stream] and cause abrupt climate changes.
"Even as the earth as a whole continues to warm gradually, large regions may experience a precipitous and disruptive shift into colder climates." The scientists, who studied the composition of the waters of the Atlantic from Greenland to Tierra del Fuego, found that they have become "very much" saltier in the tropics and subtropics and "very much" fresher towards the poles over the past 50 years.
This is alarming because the Gulf Stream is driven by cold, very salty water sinking in the North Atlantic. This pulls warm surface waters northwards, forming the current.
The change is described as the "fingerprint" of global warming. As the world heats up, more water evaporates from the tropics and falls as rain in temperate and polar regions, making the warm waters saltier and the cold ones fresher. Melting polar ice adds more fresh water.
Ominously, the trend has accelerated since 1990, during which time the 10 hottest years on record have occurred. Many studies have shown that similar changes in the waters of the North Atlantic in geological time have often plunged Europe into an ice age, sometimes bringing the change in as little as a decade.
The National Academy of Sciences says that the jump occurs in the same way as "the slowly increasing pressure of a finger eventually flips a switch and turns on a light". Once the switch has occurred the new, hostile climate, lasts for decades at least, and possibly centuries.
When the Gulf Stream abruptly turned off about 12,700 years ago, it brought about a 1,300-year cold period, known as the Younger Dryas. This froze Britain in continuous permafrost, drove summer temperatures down to 10C and winter ones to -20C, and brought icebergs as far south as Portugal. Europe could not sustain anything like its present population. Droughts struck across the globe, including in Asia, Africa and the American west, as the disruption of the Gulf Stream affected currents worldwide.
Some scientists say that this is the "worst-case scenario" and that the cooling may be less dramatic, with the world's climate "flickering" between colder and warmer states for several decades. But they add that, in practice, this would be almost as catastrophic for agriculture and civilisation.<<<
George Bush: Er, ah, hum, ugh, well, you know Tony? No, I can't let you do this. I can't let you have Iraq. You see, I'm on record as saying that global warming doesn't exist!
Tony Blair: OK, thanks anyways. Let me know if your position changes. Bye for now!
George Bush: Bye, Tony! |
