The Sexual Musings of American Spirit
A Day in the Life
Part 1 of a (possible) continuing series…
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
American Spirit slides out of bed. He drops his shorts and pauses before the mirror to examine and admire his well-toned six foot one hard-bodied frame. He spends about 20 seconds rearranging his package and wonders if those extenders really do work.
His Republican girl friend stirs in the bed and looks up adoringly at him, seemingly sated (or is she only dazed, he still can’t figure out which) and says, “God, you are the second most macho Democrat I have ever met.” Irritation furrows his brow. “Damn,” he thinks, “I never should have introduced her to John. ”He gives her a half-hearted slap on the butt and says, “Rest up wench. I’m thinking you’re in for a hard ride tonight.” She giggles. Hmm, it sounds like the leather may come out tonight.
After a quick shave and a shower, American Spirit sits down at his computer, a strong pot of coffee next to him. Not enough caffeine and he loses that “stream of consciousness” thing that everyone loves. Too little caffeine and he accidentally starts dropping URLs into his message board posts. Can’t have that, he thinks, let the bastards do their own research.
He logs in. He spends about ten minutes going over the talking points in Terry McAuliffe’s daily email. God, this guy doesn’t have an original thought in his head. What the hell is this, a thank you note (“Keep up the good work”) from Ed Gillepsie?
He finally goes to www.johkerry.com . The coffee kicks in. He spends about 45 minutes in the John Kerry photo gallery reviewing the new shots that have been posted on the site during the night. He prints out an assortment of pictures (John on his motorcycle, a bare-chested John windsurfing, John looking pensive - or is that confused – hard to tell) and tacks them onto the bulletin board. Whoa! May not need that extender. God, I would hate to see Howard Dean without his shirt on.
Time to cowboy up, whatever the hell that means. He logs onto SI. Time to do battle with the heathens.
Today’s topic? Who the hell has a clue. I’ll just start pounding the keyboard and see what comes out. You never know. Sometimes it’s all about John, sometimes its sex. Sometimes both.
Whatever the topic, he will titillate, enrage, bully, forgo consistency (last week he told PROLIFE he was on ignore and then posted to him 76 seconds later) and completely disregard any rationale responses to his “opinions.” Above all else, he will entertain, sort of.
Today’s topic is sex.
Message 19788502
Most guys with daddy complexes tend to be gay. Maybe that's why you hate gays so much. Or do you? In denial or not? Hey, I have nothing against gays but I only tolerate honest ones who stay to themselves and stay cool. rightwing gays who cannot admit they're gays are the most bothersome and dangerous. To themselves mostly.
Message 19788505
Hannity was literally going nuts tonight with hatred on Fox News. He sounded like the Grand Inquisitor. Should haev been in drag though to make the effect real,
Message 19790079
Bob Guccione Jr? That guy is a sex freak. If Coulter used to date him maybe it was for threesomes with Penthouse Pets.
I would bet money Coulter is a lesbian. Ditto Condi Rice but she's a repressed one who doesn't act on it much. Same as Janet Reno. I would also guess Rush Limbaugh is a closet case.
Message 19790272
I actually know the Gucciones from New York. The guys like freaky sex with hottie porno girls. They grew up in Penthouse central. They don't date straight women, they date very wild girls. If Guccione dated Coulter that either means she's a wild side hetero porn wannabe or a lesbian who wanted Guccione for his ability to recruit hot nude models. Your defending Coulter by saying she dated Guccione is hilarious. Not unlike Hefner who has six blondes he dates, mostly to watch them do each other.
Message 19791306
Guccione prefers bisexuals, as does Hefner. As do other such jaded hedonists. I'm stunned Coulter would date Guccione as the only man anyone has seen her with. Tells a lot about her twist. She's after the Penthouse girls probably, not him. I'm no expert on lesbians but I always had a feeling she was the whips and chains man-hater type. She enjoyed calling DEmocrats "girlie men" too much. Women like her use the strap-ons etc. to take the male role.
You're the one who reported it, not me,
Message 19791373
I know Guccione's little brother and have talked with him about girls, etc. The guy's freaky. You would be too if you had his childhood.
I also have keen radar. Coulter has never given off a hetero vibe to me. So I did net searches on her personal. Not a single reference to her ever dating a man. Everyone knows what that means, especially if she's goodlooking. Condi Rice the same but much less active I'm sure.
There are a surprising amount of famous lesbians still in the closet. I am always shocked by some of the same I hear. People you would never suspect. Most of them are tough-lloking but also mlots of lipstick lesbians like Coulter probably is.
Message 19791407
Gays don't bother me one way or another, so long as they're not in my face.
I went to a party once which was all high-powered lesbians. It was fascinating but didn't turn me on. Funny that lesbians don't seem to care about men at all. In fact some of them are downright rude and hateful toward men. Maybe Coulter is the latter type. I heard she was a big tom boy growing up. Too big a tom boy if you know what I mean.
Message 19792261
Gays don't bother me at all. But I usually know one when I see one. I think we're right about Anne Coulter and Condi Rice. Rush Limbaugh too.
Message 19792710
Rice is a proven liar and probably a lesbian. |
