A TRUE STORY-Penni Faces Death in Albertson's Grocery Store Yesterday
I was standing in the wine department, staring at the Texas wines and wondering why upstarts could demand such high prices, when there was a huge explosion. As I turned to look, large, deadly shards of green glass flew by me, missing me by only inches (literary license for dramatic impact-the closest was actually three feet away). After a moment of stunned silence, a woman one aisle further over came rushing to me. It is a testimony to the incredible strength and depth of a good guilt-ridden Catholic upbringing that my first words were, "I didn't do anything!"
We hesitantly edged over to the source and found that a bottle of champagne had exploded on a top shelf. I thought it had popped its cork, but we found the top still intact on the floor. Still on the shelf was the round green bottom, neatly sliced off. It had taken out
two other bottles when it went-we found their corks intact on the floor too. Big chunks of glass had traveled up to twenty feet. Since champagne was on my shopping list, I was pretty shaken up at the realization that had I not stopped to contemplate the Texas wines, I'd have been standing in front of that shelf when it went.
Dan, when told of my brush with the Grim Reaper, said only, "Three feet closer and we'd have been rich." You can see he was not raised Catholic, and is a lawyer to boot. When I protested, he at least had the good grace to say, "Well, I didn't mean I wanted you horribly maimed and disfigured...just a little scarred."
You know, I joke about box wine all the time, but I bought one yesterday. At least if it explodes, I'll only get a papercut. |
