"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
--Conan O'Brien
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddamout of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"
---Jay Leno
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
--David Letterman
Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
--- Regis Philbin
"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
---Mark Twain
"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!"
---- Hannibal Lecter
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
--- General George S. Patton
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
--Norman Schwartzkopf
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
---- Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
---Jacques Chirac, President of France
Q: How do you sink a French battleship?
A: Put it in water.
Q: What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
A: A bisexual.
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Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris?
A: Nobody knows, its never been tried.
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Q: What color is the American flag?
A: Red, White, and Blue.
Q: What color is the British flag?
A: Red, White, and Blue.
Q: What color is the French flag?
A: White.
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Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army.
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Q: What did France used to be called?
A: Germany, and then we saved them.
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Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
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Q: How can you tell if a Frenchman has been in your back yard?
A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant.
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Q: What do you do if you drive over a Frenchman?
A: Reverse!
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Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice medicine?
A: He was caught having sex with some of his patients. It's a shame, he was the best veternnarian in town!
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Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it.
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A French rifle for sale on ebay:
"It's never been fired and it's been dropped only once." |
