"Hi, Mr. Smith, how's it going?"
"Hello there, Bobby. It's going fine. I was just finishing up cleaning on the third floor. How's your English class going?"
"Not so good. I missed two days because my car broke down. I can't go out on Friday with Mary Ellen, and it's depressing. I was hoping to...well, you know."
"Depressed, you say? That's not good. What happened?"
"Well, I went to the gas station and filled it up with diesel fuel by accident, and now it won't start."
"Ah, I see. Well, what you need to do is put some nitromethane in that motor, Bobby."
"Really? Why should I do that?"
"Well, you see, Bobby, as the janitor here at the high school, I've seen this many times. Your engine has what we call a "chemical imbalance". It's a common thing, actually, my engine got it a couple years back. Expensive Complete Engine Rebuilding Institute of America has done a bunch of studies, and they found out that if you pour about a quart of nitromethane into your fuel injectors and then light it with a cherry bomb, it absolutely positively possible to blow the diesel fuel out the rear end of your car perhaps maybe, and then you won't have that pesky chemical imbalance, and you can get back to your English class, and better yet, Mary Ellen. You won't be depressed any more!"
"Mr. Smith, isn't nitromethane kinda dangerous?"
"Well now, Bobby, all fuel is dangerous, you know that. Plain ordinary gasoline can catch fire and burn up those loose fitting trousers you're wearing, and then where would you be? Heh heh. No, but seriously, Certified Mechanics all say that if you put the nitro in at a certain rate, and don't just dump it all in at the same time, your motor might not blow up and kill you. It will just blow the cylinder heads and intake manifold off the block, but that's not a problem, you can get that fixed at any competent machine shop."
"But why not drain the fuel system and just put the right gas in my car?"
"Eh? What's that, son? I didn't quite get your question."
"I said, 'Why not just put the right fuel in the motor? Wouldn't that fix the chemical imbalance? I mean, it's my car, I'm the one that screwed it up, right? I should be the one that fixes it, and it seems to me if the chemical imbalance was caused by the wrong fuel, why not just fix the fuel instead of taking a chance on blowing up the motor with some dangerous explosive that isn't even supposed to be in the engine in the first place?"
"Ah. Good point. I never thought of that. That might work in a pinch, I guess."
"By the way, Mr. Smith, how is it that you feel qualified to pass out advice about my car engine. Are you a mechanic?"
"Uh...nope."
"Have you ever actually seen a car engine?"
"No, but that's not relevant to the conversation. Everybody knows that nitromethane fixes stalled car engines. It's common knowledge. Half the kids in this school have nitro in their tanks right now!"
"What about the other half?"
"They have Severe Depression. Everyone wants to go out with Mary Ellen."
"Really? Say, what what makes you think you know how to fix my car motor?"
"Son, you have a lot to learn...ever heard of a web site called SmithNitromethaneProducts.com?"
"Yeah, right. Later, Pops. Listen, I have a feeling that blowing up my engine could cause me Severe Depression. I think I'll just clean out my fuel system if it's all the same to you. And thanks for the Professional Advice. Have fun with the broom." |
