Thought I would try to help you and your kin this year. :>)
Do's and dont's from the "Republicans for Nader" site.
Republicans For Ralph Do's And Don'ts!
DO try to convince your democratic or liberal pals that Ralph's rage against the corporate and political machine has changed your mind and captured your heart and your vote. If they think YOU can be swayed, they'll believe Ralph has a chance and vote for him. First and foremost, always remember, a vote for Ralph Nader is a vote for George Bush!
DO go to Nader's website and stroke his ego with e-mails of encouragement. Every day somebody supports him, they aren't supporting Kerry.
DO if you run into a Nader rally on your way to someplace else, try to mingle in with the crowd and say things like "he can really do it" and "I think he's got a shot this year." Try to do this with a straight face. If you find yourself laughing uncontrollably, explain you were thinking of something funny that Janeane Garofalo said in 1994.
DO your part to get Ralph on the ballot in your state. Sign the petitions. And use your real name so your vote counts.
DO put a "Nader for President" bumper sticker on your car, but DON'T put it on a part with paint, because you're peeling it off on November 2. Also, since you're a Republican, people will be impressed that someone with a nice car supports Ralph.
DON'T attend Nader rallies in the clothes you wear every day. Dress down or his supporters might suspect.
DON'T waste any ACTUAL time supporting Ralph, do these things while doing other things. Sign the petition on the way to buy meat at the grocery store. Call into talk radio stations while driving to your local Bush/Cheney event.
DO inform Nader supporters that you went to a green party rally and they were talking smack about Ralph. If you find yourself around Green party members, tell them you were with a bunch of Nader people the other day, and they were making fun of their body odor. Divide and Conquer!
DO Tell all polsters you're voting for Ralph. Give Ralph the momentum to stay in the race, even though he's a crazy, bitter old coot. It almost worked for Howard Dean.
DON'T actually vote for Nader on election day! Remember, it's all about bait and switch. We bait, then switch! We're supporting Nader all the way up to November 1, 2004. And then, cast your vote for President Bush.
republicansforralph.com |
