Everyone suffers, I think we should concentrate on not compounding the suffering. Obviously sometimes choices must be made, and either way someone suffers- but with name calling, just what IS the competing value?
Children who are heavy or who are dealing with sexual identity commit suicide at a rate far greater than their peers- and the ones who survive attempts often say that name calling by peers played a huge part in their depressions. That IS just as serious as the victim of sexual assault- who may actually be in a better position since she is perceived as a victim (although one hates to even discuss who is in the "better" position as a victim). The child who is heavy or who is dealing with gender issues didn't choose to be that way anyway, I know they don't like to think of themselves as "victims" and they wouldn't be victims, if society could treat them in a civilized manner. Imagine how terrible the heavy child feels- who can do very little about their weight- more and more studies show a genetic predisposition. My son has a neurological condition that causes him to have low tone- and even with a personal trainer and daily exercise he cannot tone his muscles, nor can he grip things the way normal children do. Can you not imagine the pain a child like mine might not endure (on top of his other pain, of realizing he has a disability, that no one can cure, and that no one knows very much about)? My son is only 12, he isn't able to "keep it in perspective". He gets depressed, and desperate, and feels he will never find acceptance, no matter how much his father and I love him, and tell him we accept him. I deal with teens, who I have found are no more grown up in this matter than my 12 year old. I think some or many adults may also feel things like this just as deeply, but realize that they are not allowed to express their pain. Now expressing pain doesn't mean tramping on the first amendment, and shutting people up legally- but it does mean you get to say, "Hey, you really hurt my feelings"- and right now, people don't feel they can say that. Can you imagine that working on SI? But it would be nice if it could work that way. If I hurt your feelings, I am sorry for it.
Everyone will have suffering, that is true- but not everyone is cut from the same stock, and some of us deal with suffering better. I happen to have won some sort of genetic sweepstakes in dealing with suffering- but that doesn't mean I cannot try to make the world a better place for people who are not made the way I am (and who, I am sure, have other gifts). Again, this is not an attack. I only feel that name calling is much more serious than you do, and the research seems to support me. If you have research studies that show name calling is positive in some way, or that it doesn't sometimes affect kids in horribly negative ways, please post them- and I will read them, and we will discuss them. |
