Comedian commentary on the campaign:
"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno":
"I guess you know that President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney answered questions today in front of the 9-11 commission. Bush said he was glad to speak with the 9-11 commission. In fact, he also said he would be glad to meet with the 7-11 people too if anybody has any questions."
"President Bush and Dick Cheney did not testify under oath and there was no recording of the questions and answers - so basically no details or records of any kind like Bush's National Guard service. You know why it was so secret? Dick Cheney didn't want Colin Powell might find out. In fact, it's so secret, even Prince Bandar of Saudi Arabia doesn't even know what was said."
"John Kerry's wife, Teresa Heinz is on the cover of 'Newsweek' magazine this week. They said if John Kerry is elected, she would be the oldest first lady in American history, 66 years old. But that doesn't bother Kerry. To him she looks like a million bucks. $500 million!"
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"Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn":
"President Bush and Dick Cheney appeared before the 9-11 commission. It was kind of an awkward start. A senator asked, 'How are you, Mr. President,' and they both answered, 'Fine.' ... The meeting was a private closed-door session, which means they probably spent a lot of time trading ethnic jokes."
"Reportedly, the commission's first question to the president was, 'You know al-Qaida and Iraq are two different things, right?'"
"Members of panel got annoyed because whenever they asked Cheney a tough question, he grabbed his chest and shouted, 'Elizabeth, it's the 'Big One!'"
"Panel members said President Bush was very helpful. At one point even offering to have the CIA provide personal information about them and their mistresses."
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"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart":
"The Supreme Court case caps a busy week for (Vice President Dick) Cheney, who took time out of his busy schedule of not revealing anything to anyone ever to deliver a harsh anti-John Kerry speech at Missouri's Westminster College, the same venue Winston Churchill used for his famous 'Iron Curtain' address."
thestate.com |
