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Viewer discretion advised. What follows is irreverent in the extreme and should be kept away from those who
believe that laughter is not the best medicine, especially when the times are trying.
OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE APOLOGY FORM
THE WHITE HOUSE
<?/bigger><?/fontfamily>George W. Bush
Resident
APOLOGY Form 3331776#VLATE
<?smaller>PLEASE FILL OUT ALL BLANKS or form will be invalidated)
<?/smaller>NAME: _____________________________________________________
Prisoner # ___________.
Nationality : Iraqi _____ Palestinian _____ Afghan _________ African American ________ Latino
_______ Other _______
Location: Abu Ghraib ____ Guantanamo ______ Haifa ______Fort Benning GA. _______NY
Correctional Facility _______
Gender: MALE___ FEMALE___
Level of sincerity: 1-10 (choose one) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Degree of Mutilation : 1-10 (choose one) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Gift basket: Yes No
Send BIBLE Gold leaf Regular
Halliburton Discount coupons: Yes No
Autographed picture of GWB: Yes No
Flight suit replica insert: Yes No
Flag: (choose one only)
Standard (with Allah reference)
New (no Allah reference)
Card from Laura Yes No
Burger King Gift Certificate
Whopper
Regular
Dear Mr and Mrs ___(insert parents' name here) _________,
I, President George W. Bush, on behalf of myself and The Wonderful American People, wish to extend my
(choose one) deepest __ most sincere ___ belated ___
apologies on the unfortunate abuse _______ torture _______ sexual humiliation _______ death _______ of
your ____(insert gender here)________, _______(insert abusee/torturee/corpse/ name
here)______________.
He/she (choose one only) was
Choose one: made to perform forced sex: _____ masturbate ____ lie on other prisoners naked _____ wear
a leash and walk like a doggie____ Wear a hood _____ endure electric shock ______ eat pork _____ By
one of our normally brave soldiers ____ civilian contractors ___ CIA Ops _______ Embedded Journalists
_____
who are normally fighting for the great causes of freedom, democracy, and liberation. We want you to know
that ______(insert first name here) _____________ was/is a very special ____(insert gender here)____, and
endured torture___ suffered abuse ____ suffered humiliation____ was raped ___ died _____ in the most
heroic and courageous way. The actions by our
normally brave soldiers ____ civilian contractors ___ CIA Ops _______ Embedded Journalists _____ Do
NOT reflect what I know to be AMERICA or The AMERICAN PEOPLE. Our War on Global Terrorism will
go on, and we will be victorious, due to the sacrifice of men/women like
___(insert name here)____.
(If necessary:) Please let us (choose one: sincerely__ profusely __ genuinely ___ Omit __) apologize for
not being able to attend the funeral.
Sincerely yours,
_______________________
George W. Bush
Resident
Commander - In- Thief
United States of America
Quote of the Day:
<?fontfamily><?param Arial>"This is no different than what happens at the Skull and Bones initiation and we're
going to ruin people's lives over it and we're going to hamper our military effort, and then we are going to really
hammer them <?color><?param 1999,1999,FFFF>because they had a good time<?/color>. You know, these
people are being fired at every day. I'm talking about people having a good time, these people, you ever heard
of emotional release? You [ever] heard of [the] need to blow some steam off?"
<?smaller>Rush Limbaugh re: Abu Ghraib
(I didn't make this up)
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