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Politics : Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Kerry
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To: American Spirit who wrote (26769)5/29/2004 6:42:28 PM
From: Ann CorriganRead Replies (1) of 81568
 
Here's a gift. You need a good laugh. It's probably the result of hanging around those long-faced Kerry campaign posters more than you should be:

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE

6:00 PM Opening Prayer - led by the Reverend Jerry Fallwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)

6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing

6:46 PM Seminar #1: "Getting Your Kid a Military Deferment"

7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong

7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries

7:40 PM EPA Address #1: "Mercury, It's What's for Dinner"

8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next

8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos Are After Your Children"

8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)

8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: "The Government of the Future"

9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"

9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong

9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: "The Real Cause of Forest Fires"

9:30 PM Break for secret meetings

10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas

10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: "Doublespeak Made Easy"

10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: "How to squint and talk macho"

10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare

10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt

10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans

10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong

10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: A Drain on Our nation's Economy

11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Piñata

11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: "Evolutionists – The Dangerous"

11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again

11:35 PM Blame Clinton

11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies

11:50 PM Closing Prayer - led by Jesus
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