Thanks.Now read this one unreal:Team USA Hoops has Become Team AWOL
Nobody Wants to Play These Days, Except for Carmelo
By JIM ARMSTRONG, AOL Exclusive
Nice kid, Carmelo Anthony, but he has a lot to learn about being a superstar in the NBA.
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Carmelo Anthony knows plenty about basketball, but he still has a lot to learn about being an NBA superstar.
How do we know? Because he wants to play for the U.S. Olympic hoops team. Says it's been a dream of his ever since he was knee-high to Spud Webb.
Come to think of it, maybe he has mastered one aspect of NBA superstardom. Maybe he's smoking something. He must be to want to go to Athens.
I have no doubt, if Anthony were invited to be on the team, he'd make it. By default in all likelihood. When it's all said and done, he might be the only NBA player willing to make the trip.
In case you missed it, Team USA has turned into Team AWOL. Eleven players -- 11! -- were named to the original Dream Team IV roster, only to have the dog eat their homework. Actually, I made that part up. Fact is, that's about the only excuse I haven't heard.
My favorite so far has to be Tracy McGrady's. He announced the other day that he couldn't go because it just dawned on him that he's getting married. Hey, at least he didn't have some flimsy excuse like, say, he hurt himself sneezing.
Apparently, McGrady asked his fiancee a while ago, but it slipped his mind when he agreed to play. Hope he has better luck remembering his anniversary. You forget one of those, T-Mac, and the only thing that will get you out of the doghouse is a $4-million diamond ring.
Ready for the roll call of the other quitters? Here goes: Mike Bibby, Shaquille O'Neal, Karl Malone, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Kobe Bryant, Elton Brand, Vince Carter, Kenyon Martin and Jason Kidd.
Let me guess. They all sprained their ankles while running to the bank. Either that or they strained their backs getting in their Porsches.
Some -- Kidd and Malone among them -- have legitimate injuries, and Bryant will be biding his time in a courtroom in Eagle, Colo. But for the most part, it's safe to say they just don't feel like going. Don't want to be bothered. Don't want to do it unless there's something in it for them.
There are those out there who believe Team AWOL has every right to bag the Olympics. Fine. They're more than welcome to their opinions. But riddle me this: If Uncle Sam threw in a $10-million flag endorsement, would all these guys be so quick to quit?
Oh, sure, there's the danger factor. Terrorists figure to be lurking, and it's not like a 6-10 black guy wearing stars and stripes wouldn't stand out in a crowd. But whatever happened to American chutzpah? What, Shaq is supposed to be afraid of some geek with a scraggly beard who lives in a cave in Afghanistan?
Thousands of other U.S. athletes and media types aren't afraid. They're looking forward to going. They'll be making the trip with smiles on their faces, if not gas masks in their suitcases.
Nowhere in this column does it say these guys have a patriotic duty to go to Athens. Then again, it's not like their country hasn't been good to them. They've been showered with cash and adulation by their fellow citizens. They've worked the system and been allowed to live The Life simply because they can hoop a little.
And how do they say thanks? Oh, my aching hamstring!
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"Nice move in the post down there Shaq... you were joking about the whole thong thing right?"
Undercover Assignment
Don't ask me how, but the conversation between Games 1 and 2 of the NBA Finals turned to what kind of underwear Shaq prefers. Is he a boxers kind of guy or does he wear those Hanes briefs that Michael Jordan hawks?
None of the above, says Shaq.
''Thongs,'' he said.
Let me guess. When he retires, he's hoping to become a sumo wrestler.
Small Ball
Who says baseball is all about money? Have you checked out the standings lately? Going into the weekend, San Diego, Cincinnati, Florida and Oakland were in first place in their divisions. Their combined payrolls are about equal to the Yankees' payroll, give or take a few ocean-front condos.
Buck-Eye of the Storm
Ohio State fired hoops coach Jim O'Brien the other day after he admitted paying a former recruit $6,000. Now for the thing that got O'Brien fired: The kid didn't sign with the Buckeyes.
Mailbag
What Do You Think?
· Discuss This Column
· E-Mail Armstrong
Questions? Comments? Get-rich-quick schemes? Feel free to e-mail me at (begin italics)dontmissjim@aol.com.(end italics) Some random excerpts from recent e-mails...
Jimbo, As a fellow railbird, you should know there are no sure things. That's why they run 'em and that's why Smarty Jones got beat. Enjoy your scribble and Pistons to beat the Lakers in six.
-- Danpcmurphy@aol.com
There is one sure thing. When Anna Kournikova is playing tennis, I'm watching. Or even if she isn't, for that matter.
I like to read articles written by those who are not afraid to write from the heart. Your opinions are those that so many of us have and are never given the opportunity to share. Don't stop what you're doing!!
-- Truetotexas17@aol.com
Actually, I'm not writing from the heart. I'm writing from a barstool.
Articulate, humorous, gramatically correct and you have a brain... how refreshing!
-- Tesdor@aol.com
Not bad for a blonde, huh, bubba?
Hey Jimbo, Here's one for ya. I guarantee I will continue to read your column as long as you continue to write it. You be the best. If anything is misspelled it is spell check's fault, not mine. I love blaming my equipment.
-- Marlaandrob@aol.com
You love blaming your equipment? Sounds like a personal problem to me, Sparky.
Now tell me something, Jim. It's OK if I call you Jim, right? Good. Now tell me something. Why are there so many fans of a cocky, trash-talking, dirty team like the Lakers? I wouldn't be a Laker fan unless they traded everyone but Derek Fisher and Kareem Rush.
-- Russ, GA
What part of every team in the NBA is cocky, trash-talking and dirty don't you get?
Jim, I'm a 52-year-old white guy and personally I think Serena Williams is much more attractive than Anna Kournikova. Serena definitely has a world-class figure. I think your bias is showing.
-- John Crow2@aol.com
My bias is showing? You've never seen the Serena poster above my bed.
Hey man, I just read your column on the Belmont being the hardest event to win in all of sports. I think your right. In fact, this is the first time I have ever read anything of yours. So feel lucky punk.
-- DETH from MARS@aol.com
I feel lucky, all right, but it doesn't have anything to do with a moron like you reading my column. |
